/soy/ - Soyjaks

be me, 27-year-old software tester
wake up at 10:30 AM in my rented studio apartment
immediate routine: open Nintendo Switch to check Animal Crossing island stats
wife's boyfriend, Chad, left his oat milk latte on the counter
nice.jpg, free caffeine
put on my oversized mustard-yellow cardigan and thick rimless glasses
time to check Twitter to see what we are outraged about today
spot a tweet criticizing my favorite marvel movie
furiously type a 14-tweet thread explaining the deep socio-political commentary of Ant-Man 3
heart rate reaches a dangerous 95 BPM from the adrenaline
need to calm down
grab a fresh can of IPA (12% ABV, tastes like liquefied pine cones)
decide to do my daily workout
5 bodyweight squats and 3 seconds of planking
collapse onto my beanbag chair, gasping for air
open Reddit to post my open-mouthed soyface selfie holding a new Funkopop I bought for $45
title: "She said yes to letting me keep it on the nightstand!"
instantly get 4,000 upvotes and two Wholesome awards
feeling accomplished
Chad comes home, tells me to go buy more LaCroix
"on it, big guy!"
today was a good day