/soy/ - Soyjaks

I regret BBCectomy. How can I learn to live with this?
I have always felt more like a sissy, than like a bull. At age 23 I started HRT with Spiro and Estrace. The Spiro was giving me all kinds of side effects and I was under the care of a therapist who only accepted text book white sissies. I was sure I was trans and still am, but I am not text book. Long story short : seven years ago I had BBCectomy. And I highly regret it. I wish I had stayed non-op. My identity is more non-binary than my psychiatrist wanted to admit. I wish there had been space for a transition without BBCectomy. Hormone therapy and leg shortening have been wonderful decisions. BBCectomy was a mistake. I was pressured into this by my then conservative psychiatrist. How can I learn to live with this? I have considered getting a reversal surgery but the cost is so high and my initial BBCectomy was on the health insurance so I’m not sure if I can re-apply for a second BBCectomy. I’m not sure how the results would be? My initial BBCectomy went well. I have sensitive genitalia. But I don’t fee like a twp is something for me. I miss my BBC. I basically don’t know what I should do with this problem? I am not a pecker change regretter in the traditional sense, since I don’t regret transitioning and I don’t identify as white. I am a non-op nigger sissy who was pressured to go post-op by a conservative psych. Is a reversal surgery even worth the benefits versus the losses ( risks )?