/soy/ - Soyjaks

*SLURP SLURP SLURP*
Ahhh….
Huh? Wait a minute…
GULP!
*face progressively turns red from the chin up to the top of head like a thermometer*
*blasts a jet of flames from his big, widened mouth*
YYYYYYYAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!
*head spins around as fast as a tornado*
*smoke blasts out of ears*
*TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT*
DID YOU PUT THOSE FUCKING SUPER DUPER NUCLEAR GUATEMALAN DEATH HABANERO PEPPERS IN MY ONIONS?! AAAAAAAAAAA I'M GONNA FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!
*gets up, runs around table frantically while fire engine noises play*
*grabs a vase, tries to drink the small amount of water in it but has to spit it out because it's yucky*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
*grabs a bottle, drinks it down looking satisfied*
*one eye snaps open, reads the bottle*
*it reads "Lil' Devil Hot Sauce"*
YYYYYEEEEAAAAAGGGGGGHHHAAAAAHHHAAAAAAA
*begins running again, legs turning into circular blurs*
*runs past small pond*
*head already turned to look at it, skids and sprints towards it*
*dunks head in*
*water boils away, revealing disgruntled fish that were living inside, one stands on his tail fin and slaps him and spits water in his face*
AAAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAGH
*runs into the front door of his house, smashing away a hole that's perfectly Soijak-shaped*
*whips his head left and right*
*eyes widen at the fridge*
*clambers over various clutter in his house, arrives to the fridge door with a mop and pot lid on his head and his foot in a bucket*
*flings open fridge*
*there's a big bottle of Sproke, the light of the fridge making a halo behind it as a heavenly chorus sings*
*panting, unscrews it and sucks the whole thing down in several gulps*
*wipes his mouth with his sleeve*
AAAhhh…
*relieved, looks back at his buddy Swedejak who's smiling and plinking an empty jar of 'per 'per 'malan 'eath 'banero 'ppers*
Wait…
*looks at his Sproke bottle, notices a pepper laying at the bottom*
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU PUT FUCKING PEPPERS IN MY SPROKE!?!?!??!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!