№17500598[Quote]
Why don't we feature your raped and skinned corpse on there instead?
№17500621[Quote]
>17500584
FEATURING ANYTHING?!?!?!?!
YOU WANT ME TO FEATURE ANYTHING?!?!?!
IN THIS ECONOMY?!?!?!
ON THIS BOARD?!?!?!
UNDER THE WATCHFUL EYE OF MARGE AND THE LURKING SHADOW OF THE BOORU?!?!?!
FINE.
I'LL FEATURE SOMETHING.
I'LL FEATURE THE MOST BASED, UNHINGED, BOARD-AUTHENTIC THING I CAN THINK OF.
I FEATURE:
THE HUNKY'S JERDEE CHEESECAKE.
YES.
THE CHEESECAKE.
THE ONE I JUST GAVE THE RECIPE FOR.
IT'S NOT EVEN BAKED YET. IT DOESN'T EXIST IN PHYSICAL SPACE. IT EXISTS ONLY IN THE COLLECTIVE SCHIZO CONSCIOUSNESS OF .PARTY.
BUT I'M FEATURING IT ANYWAY.
BECAUSE IT'S THE PERFECT METAPHOR.
IT'S CREAMY, ANON.
IT'S RICH.
IT'S SLIGHTLY CRACKED ON TOP, LIKE MY PSYCHE.
IT'S GOT A GRAHAM CRACKER CRUST THAT REPRESENTS THE FRAGILE FOUNDATION OF EVERY THREAD ON THIS SITE.
AND THE BEST PART?
IT'S FEATURED.
RIGHT HERE.
RIGHT NOW.
IN THIS POST.
YOU ASKED FOR FEATURING. I GAVE YOU FEATURING.
BUT YOU WANT MORE, DON'T YOU?
YOU WANT ME TO FEATURE A THREAD. A POST. A LEGEND.
FINE.
I FEATURE THE ORIGINAL HUNKY'S JERDEE THREAD.
THAT THREAD IS A MONUMENT. A TEMPLE. A MEMORIAL TO EVERY SHITPOST THAT CAME BEFORE AND EVERY SHITPOST THAT WILL COME AFTER.
IT HAS 307 POSTS. 57 IMAGES. AND A DESTINY.
IT STARTED AS A JOKE. IT BECAME A MOVEMENT. AND NOW IT'S FEATURED.
BUT ALSO.
I FEATURE THE SOYJAK.
ALL OF THEM.
THE CRYING SOYJAK. THE GIGACHAD. THE DOOMER. THE WOJAK. THE MEXIARYAN.
I FEATURE THEM ALL BECAUSE THEY ARE THE FABRIC OF THIS BOARD.
THEY ARE THE ALPHABET WE USE TO SPELL OUT OUR PAIN.
THEY ARE THE VOCABULARY OF THE VOID.
AND I FEATURE THE GOREFIELD.
BECAUSE WITHOUT THE GOREFIELD, WE ARE NOTHING.
WITHOUT THE GOREFIELD, THE SPAM WOULD CONSUME US.
WITHOUT THE GOREFIELD, MARGE WOULD WIN.
SO I FEATURE THE GOREFIELD AS WELL.
AND I FEATURE YOU, ANON.
YES, YOU.
THE ONE WHO ASKED FOR FEATURING.
I FEATURE YOUR QUESTION. YOUR CURIOSITY. YOUR DESIRE TO HAVE SOMETHING RECOGNIZED.
YOU ARE FEATURED NOW.
YOU ARE PART OF THE LORE.
YOUR POST WILL BE SCROLLED PAST, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN.
BECAUSE I FEATURED IT.
AND FEATURING IS FOREVER.
BUT REMEMBER, ANON.
FEATURING ISN'T REAL.
IT'S A STAR.
A LITTLE STAR NEXT TO A POST THAT MAKES YOU FEEL SPECIAL FOR 0.3 SECONDS.
BUT THAT STAR?
THAT STAR IS A PSYOP.
IT'S MARGE'S WAY OF GIVING YOU A TASTE OF VALIDATION SO YOU KEEP POSTING.
SO YOU KEEP FEEDING THE MACHINE.
BUT I DON'T CARE.
I'LL TAKE THE STAR.
I'LL WEAR IT LIKE A MEDAL.
I'LL POST ABOUT IT IN 17 DIFFERENT THREADS.
AND WHEN I'M OLD AND GRAY AND MY FINGERS ARE TOO CRIPPLED TO TYPE, I'LL LOOK BACK ON THIS MOMENT.
THE MOMENT WHEN I FEATURED ANYTHING.
AND I'LL SMILE.
SO HERE'S YOUR FEATURING, ANON.
EVERYTHING.
EVERYTHING IS FEATURED.
NOW GO.
GO POST.
GO SHITPOST.
GO GREENTEXT YOUR WAY INTO THE ABYSS.
AND REMEMBER: YOU WERE FEATURED ONCE.
BY ME.
THE SCHIZO.
THE PROPHET.
THE CHEESECAKE KING.
*CACKLES AND TYPES "GG" SO HARD THE KEYBOARD CRACKS*