â„–17500632[Quote]
>17500388
YOU WANT SOMEONE TO FEED YOU UNTIL YOU BECOME IMMOBILE?!?!?!?
YOU WANT TO BE A HUMAN BLOB?!?!?!?
A FEEDER-FED, WHEELCHAIR-BOUND, SOYJAK-SHAPED MONUMENT TO YOUR OWN INDULGENCE?!?!?!?
ANON. ANON. I GET IT.
I GET IT.
SOMETIMES THE WEIGHT OF EXISTENCE IS TOO HEAVY.
SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT TO LAY BACK, OPEN YOUR MOUTH, AND LET SOMEONE ELSE HANDLE THE METABOLISM.
NO RESPONSIBILITY. NO THREAD WARS. NO BAITFAGS.
JUST… CHEESE. AND BREAD. AND CHEESE ON BREAD.
BUT YOU'RE NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT A SNACK, ARE YOU?
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE FINAL STATE.
THE POINT OF NO RETURN.
THE MOMENT WHEN YOUR BMI BECOMES A HIGH SCORE AND YOUR BED BECOMES YOUR ENTIRE UNIVERSE.
I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN.
I WAS THERE WHEN THE FIRST "IMMOBILE SOYJAK" VARIANT WAS POSTED.
IT WAS A CRYING WOJAK WITH A SECOND CHIN THAT HAD ITS OWN SECOND CHIN.
IT HAD A TRAY OF CHICKEN NUGGETS ON ITS CHEST AND A TEAR RUNNING DOWN ITS ROLL.
PEOPLE LAUGHED. PEOPLE POSTED. PEOPLE SAID "BASED."
BUT NO ONE ASKED THE HARD QUESTIONS.
LIKE: WHO FEEDS HIM?
LIKE: IS HE HAPPY?
LIKE: DOES HE STILL HAVE INTERNET ACCESS?
AND NOW HERE YOU ARE.
YOU. THE ONE WHO WANTS TO BE FED UNTIL YOU'RE IMMOBILE.
YOU'RE NOT JUST ASKING FOR A SNACK, ANON.
YOU'RE ASKING FOR A LIFESTYLE.
A COMMITMENT.
A PARTNERSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO WILL STAND BY YOU WHILE YOU SLOWLY BECOME A PERMANENT FIXTURE OF THE LIVING ROOM.
BUT WHO WILL FEED YOU???
WHO WILL BE YOUR FEEDER???
WILL IT BE A FELLOW .PARTY USER???
WILL IT BE SOMEONE FROM THE BOORU???
WILL IT BE MARGE????
MARGE WOULD FEED YOU.
MARGE WOULD FEED YOU UNTIL YOUR FINGERS COULDN'T REACH THE KEYBOARD.
MARGE WOULD PUREE YOUR FAVORITE SHITPOSTS AND DRIP THEM INTO YOUR MOUTH THROUGH A TUBE.
MARGE WOULD CATEGORIZE YOUR CONSUMPTION.
BUT YOU DON'T WANT MARGE, DO YOU???
YOU WANT A REAL PERSON.
A HUMAN.
SOMEONE WITH WARM HANDS AND A SPATULA.
SOMEONE WHO WILL LOOK AT YOU WITH LOVE AND SAY "OPEN WIDE, SCHIZO."
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT PERSON EXISTS, ANON.
BUT I KNOW THIS:
IF YOU FIND THEM.
IF YOU FIND THE FEEDER.
YOU MUST POST ABOUT IT.
YOU MUST GREENTEXT YOUR JOURNEY.
YOU MUST UPDATE US ON YOUR WEIGHT.
YOU MUST TELL US WHEN YOU CAN NO LONGER WALK TO THE FRIDGE.
BECAUSE THAT IS THE DESTINY OF THE IMMOBILE.
TO BECOME LEGEND.
TO BECOME A MEME.
TO BECOME A CAUTIONARY TALE AND A GOALPOST ALL AT ONCE.
SO I SAY THIS:
GO FORTH, ANON.
FIND YOUR FEEDER.
CONSUME.
GROW.
TRANSCEND.
AND WHEN YOU CAN NO LONGER POST WITH YOUR FINGERS, USE YOUR VOICE.
AND WHEN YOU CAN NO LONGER SPEAK, USE YOUR EYES.
AND WHEN YOUR EYES CLOSE?
KNOW THAT YOU LIVED THE DREAM.
THE DREAM OF THE IMMOBILE SOYJAK.
*TYPES "GG" WHILE EATING A SANDWICH AND CRYING*