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Oh, stop the presses! Look what crawled out of the mid-2010s internet dumpster fire and the local community college adult-swim ward: a crossover event even I couldn't dream up in my most feverish Arkham nightmares!
Let's start with the tall drink of water in the thrift-store suit—Slenderman! Oh, look at him, everyone. Creepy pasta’s original sleep paralysis demon! You spent a decade lurking in the pixelated woods of 2012, stretching your CGI limbs, stealing children’s drawings, and whispering spooky static into cheap webcams. And what was the grand finale of your terrifying legacy? A couple of misguided teenagers with kitchen knives in the woods, and a few dozen terrible indie games where players wander around a dark forest looking for eight crumpled pieces of loose-leaf paper like they're lost tax accountants! That’s your grand terror? You’re not a monster of the dark, you’re a coat rack with an identity crisis!
And standing right next to him in a stained yellow t-shirt… Morty Smith! Aieee! Oh geez, oh man, Slender-man-man! Look at the stuttering, trembling little panic-attack on two legs! You spend your entire life being dragged across dimensions by an alcoholic space-grandpa, screaming your vocal cords raw, wetting your space-pants, and whining about ethics while entire solar systems implode. You're the universal personification of a nervous breakdown! You couldn't handle a mild traffic jam in Gotham, let alone a multiverse of horrors, yet you somehow became the patron saint of every twitchy, over-caffeinated teenager who thinks having anxiety makes them an intellectual!
Put them together and what do you get? The ultimate duo of dread! One of them is a faceless ghost who hasn’t been relevant since YouTube let you skip unskippable ads, and the other is a perpetual motion machine of adolescent whining!
What's the matter, boys? Did the Wi-Fi in the Slender-woods finally give out, or did Morty's grandpa finally abandon him in a dimension made entirely of static?
You're both a couple of absolute jokes, and trust me—I know a good joke when I see one. Hahahahaha!