/soy/ - Soyjaks

I was sitting at my computer one day, when I found a 'toss on the 'ru that piqued my interest. The post was a regular iron tier cobson edit, save for one peculiar detail. Printed across cobson's forehead were some Hebrew letters. Since I am a soyteen, and therefore part Jewish of course, I began to read the Hebrew aloud. It was not until I finished reading, that I realized it was in fact an ancient spell far beyond my darkest most vantablack 'ger dreams. As soon as I finished reading the last syllable, out from my floor opened a red glowing portal. Inside this portal I looked, and saw an entire dimension filled with the jarts of Christmas past, all lizard people overlord Jewish trouts that govern us, and heckin bigot donald trump ximself, all sitting around a glossed table made of solid Jartite. Noticing the portal opening, they looked up at me in surprise and anger. The big DJT screamed upwards at me, "Now that man right up there, terrific man really, he is Jewish so we may let him live. However, we must take xim into our custody, and force xim to kiss the wall, and put on the tiny hat, like all the others!". Shook to my core, I ran out of my house as fast as I could. Looking behind me in the window, I saw, coming out of the portal, thousands of pooner goblins, crawling on all fours on the floor, walls, and ceiling, like roaches. All of them had the Turkish moon and star branded on their black heads. I serve this as a warning to all fellow 'teens, they may too reach you. And it may be sooner rather than later.