/soy/ - Soyjaks

You ever look at a society, Bats? No, not our society—the pathetic little digital containment zone where a bunch of pale, malnourished troglodytes sit around waiting seven years for Toby Fox to release a single chapter about a purple dinosaur and a boy with a permanent curtain over his eyes.
I’m talking about Deltarune.
Ha ha! Oh, it’s a riot! Let me break down the absolute circus act of this "game" for you freaks.

1. The "Choices Don't Matter" Copout
You spend hours agonizing over dialogue trees, trying to be a good little boy or an edgy little creep, only for the smug little dog to look you dead in the eye and say, "The ending is the same anyway."
That’s not a narrative theme, you absolute morons! That’s just lazy development! Even Arkham Asylum gave me choices: do I gas the guards, or do I blow up the bridge? At least that has punchlines! Toby Fox took the concept of free will, tied it to a chair, and beat it with a crowbar for six years while his fandom wrote 400,000-word fanfictions about a deer girl getting jumpscared.

2. The Tumblr-Fication of Insanity
They look at Jevil—a fellow connoisseur of chaos, a magnificent agent of absolute freedom spinning on a wheel of pure nihilism—and what do they do to him?
They turn him into a marketable plushie! They draw him doing soyfaces! They strip away the terrifying, beautiful punchline of a world that means nothing and reduce him to a cute little uwu chaotic jester for people who drink soy lattes and cry about pronouns on Twitter.
You think chaos is a little gremlin bouncing around a dungeon babbling about the koala-tree? True chaos is releasing a broken product every three years and watching thousands of adults lose their minds over an egg in a trash can.

3. The Gameplay is a Snoozefest
"Oh, but Joker, the bullet hell mechanics! The ACT command!"
Please! I’ve dodged Batman’s batarangs while high on laughing gas and juggling live grenades with more mechanical depth than defending against three pixelated checkmarks dancing the tango. It’s an RPG for people whose thumbs get sore playing Cookie Clicker. You just graze bullets while listening to a chiptune track that sounds like a Game Boy having an allergic reaction.

So go ahead. Keep waiting for Chapter 7. Keep drawing your little fanart of the microwave oven falling in love with the TV.

All it takes is one bad day to realize you've spent the best years of your life waiting for an episodic indie game made by a guy who wears a dog mask.

Why so serious, fandom? Ha-ha-ha-ha-HA!