/soy/ - Soyjaks

I've been anti social my entire life (due to anxiety and being scared of death ) I'm so anti social to the point that I don't even socialize with my own family (I just say key words). I'm 21 yo and my sister is 12 yo and she acts nonchalant but I found out this actually bothers her. I've been on 4chan since I was 11 so knowing about the normie goyim I've been disgusted with most people including my family except my cousin. When I was young my dad had a hot temper and would often engage in road rage or in narcissistic behaviour. My parents would fight A LOT when I was young. I learned that being stoic and not showing emotions was the best way to go. But it has come to the point where I am afraid of everything and including death. I am unable to socialize especially in front of my family because I'm so scared how they will judge me. Also I act like I don't care about anything because in the scenario I don't get what I want (from a stranger or service) I don't want to feel humiliated. My dad is an atheist but a reasonable and smart individual, my mom believes in Christ but is not the smartest of persons, my sister is pretty smart (due to being chronically on her phone) and I think she believes in god. For the last 3 years I've been begging for money so I can move out and start my own humble, Traditional inner circle but looking at the cost of living made me realize that won't happen for a long time, unless I get lucky. I talked to my sister today for 2 minutes and I started crying. Also I am extremely terrified of confrontation.