/soy/ - Soyjaks

When I was still in high school, I'm having these thoughts with my past girlfriend (now ex) making love with another men, or multiple men even. I imagine her cheating and, eventually, she actually cheated. I didn't think much of these thoughts before since I was young and stupid.

But now, it's different.

I'm currently in college and I'm in love with this amazing woman. She's stunning, kind, and innocent most of the time. Of course we are open to sexual topics too as we naturally make love from time to time, despite us being long-distance.

However, my cuckolding kink from high school carried over to my current relationship. I eventually told her about this, and naturally, she's offended because I thought of her the same way. I regret having such thoughts and I keep hating myself for it. We're still together, and we fight from time to time because of this kink.

When she found out about it, I've started actively abstaining from the thought. But it comes back from time to time, and whenever it does, most of the time, I get off on it.

We've had multiple talks about this, but the general consensus is that she doesn't like it (so do I) and it's ruining her trust in me, and overall our relationship.

I genuinely feel that we'll have a good future together if I get rid of this kink. I really want to rewire my brain. I can't give my woman the life that she wants if I can't fix myself.

If there's anyone here who has the same kink; or is also suffering from having such thoughts about their partner, I'd really appreciate hearing y'all out. I feel alone with this most of the time. And seeing as my partner is triggered whenever we talk about it… man… I have no one to talk to.