/soy/ - Soyjaks

What have i became? A man emptied into nothing, kept for nothing. hooked into a place so high the ground becomes meaningless. I see what the others had routinely commute for, unending petty struggles they will always have their souls confined for yet they are satisfied for their lifetimes as their minds had not reached the platform of view that enabled them to be free. bound to replenishing cycles of flat errands, yet that is what makes them mobile despite the directions of intense mundanity. I have nothing that will propel me forward. It is a life of ease that squared me as just another line in gray stripes forming stillness around all of my environment. Ultimately i would have no meaning, nor would i gain it as this is place is unable form one that'll bulge out as strife, all of them are nuisance that that persists in its insignificance. If i were to be put within the flow of an office building or construction ground there would not be even a bump in my life's center direction, I'll note that only the daily occupancies will shift but the structure of it forever be patterned to the encompassing gray line. I'll dump out the other half of my spirit longing for action towards pastimes, yet its thrill and novelty always wither down and assimilate into the already existing of mine, forming the other half of the gray path into a distinct looping pattern of escapism. Only in places like this could I finally be at another form, be something that have a meaning of learning and aspiring be visible. Because of uncertainty and chaos i can finally crack layer of wax encasing me for constant stillness within my life. Perhaps a good Utopia would need to constantly eradicate itself in goals, shapes, unity, trial and error, furiousness for an impossible goal, closeness or chaos to ensure it will not get rusty.


lately I have the knowing feel of mind getting more numb towards active and creative thinking yet I could still construct detailed, feasably sound responses towards a problem or argument, sort of like machine without any will for itself. Is this my subconscious intelligence? Deeper within i know everyone have a mist of profound intelligence beneath their conscious mind that primarily lightens up their gut feelings, perception, or raw logic without language. Is it Guidance from God? I did have a longing within myself that I'll become a savant but i suppose God is trying to lesson me that concentration on a single ability or capability wouldn't do me much good, now however i just want everyone to be in salvation eventually and prosper in this world with Joy, also me having more salvation and devotion alongside joy in terms i planned or other capabilities and much more. I do know, in matters of my brain however, that the mind is sectioned differently. tasked with specific works for the same actions so there might be a part of my brain that keeps me going with theories but not with me using my mind while in a state of alertly pushing it such as when I try to be creative regarding something now, but strangely would remain able in answering logics. Maybe it's the social environment pushed me into having a mind that relies too much on external answer to then be dependent on it. perhaps my addiction that I won't specify or my mild sleep deprivation impacted my brain. Or Maybe it my paranoid or maybe a mixup of theories. with all these speculations done one is certain and that is this will persist unless I uproot the cause