/soy/ - Soyjaks

[Remorse]: If you feel bad

I'm in a confusing and heartbreaking position.

My husband, Mark, and I have been married 4 years together for 6 total. We are both late 20's. 2.5 years ago he wanted to try a somewhat open marriage. He was interested in me having sex with other men. He got off on the fantasy of me having a more endowed lover, particularly a black man. Mark isn't small, i'd say average size and I have never expressed the desire to be with anyone else. So his fetish caught me off guard. I had never heard of cuckolding until he brought it up. The way he framed it, he promised it would strengthen our relationship. Thinking back on it, I don't know how that ever made sense. Once I said I would try it, Mark started setting up my dates.

Eventually, Mark found me a man who was familiar with the lifestyle and fit the description we were looking for. Jeff has been my lover for the last year and I've fallen in love with him. It wasn't hard to do, Jeff and I get along better than anyone I have ever dated. While Mark and I have had marital struggles for sometime. He is a man with good intentions but has no backbone. He doesn't stand up for his family when the opportunity requires it. He is careless with money, he is quick to anger, and he has virtually no sex drive unless I'm cucking him. His cuckolding fetish goes deeper than I thought. He likes humiliation and being controlled. If I don't dominant him, we don't have sex. So our sex life has been abysmal as I am not interested in taking his fetish to that level.

I started spending a lot of time with Jeff. He and I would exchange, "I love you's" but I was struggling because I was slowly falling out of love with my husband. I eventually ended my relationship with Jeff because I knew my marriage was suffering.

So here I am. I miss Jeff and I so deeply want to be with him but Mark is the man I married. It's been 4 months since I last saw Jeff and I miss him every day. My relationship with Mark has been on a decline even before I met Jeff. I don't want to sleep with other men, I don't want to be with with Mark, I only want to be with Jeff. I have never admitted this to anyone.

For those that are thinking of getting into cuckolding. DON'T. Keep it a fantasy. If you want your wife to find a better lover than you, chances are she will.