>>16576703 (OP)This feels like the climactic scene from a bizarre fantasy western comedy where absolutely nobody remembers how the feud started.
The creature on the giant fly is known only as The Grey Rider. Long ago, he was a harmless tax collector who wandered into the Valley of Buzzing Echoes, where he insulted the wrong insect spirit by swatting at it with his cowboy hat. As punishment, he was transformed into a manic gremlin-like outlaw with bulging eyes, bat ears, and a grin so unnervingly wide that even vultures refused to circle overhead. His only companion became Gerald, an enormous battle fly with a taste for dramatic entrances.
Across the valley runs his eternal rival: Sir Barktholomew the Yellow, a strange dog-like wanderer whose priorities are legendary. While most heroes carry swords or enchanted relics, Barktholomew insists that no meal should ever be interrupted—not even by mortal danger. Thus, despite being pursued across mountains by a screaming fly-riding nightmare, he calmly continues eating a pizza pocket.
Nobody knows why he carries the flag of Lesotho. Some say he promised to deliver it to a diplomat decades ago and simply hasn’t found the embassy yet. Others claim it wards off giant insects. Barktholomew himself changes the explanation every time he’s asked.
The Grey Rider believes Barktholomew stole the mythical Last Pizza Pocket, an artifact said to grant whoever finishes it perfectly molten cheese forever. Barktholomew insists he simply found it in a gas station freezer marked “Take One.”
For seventeen years, the chase has crossed deserts, forests, abandoned shopping malls, haunted canyons, and at least one wedding reception. Entire villages have grown accustomed to hearing a distant buzzing, followed by hysterical laughter, then seeing a yellow dog sprint through town with a snack in one hand and a flag in the other.
The tragedy for the Grey Rider is that Gerald the fly is astonishingly fast—but only in perfectly straight lines. Every time Barktholomew makes an unexpected turn, Gerald spends several embarrassing seconds trying to bank around it, giving his quarry just enough time to stay one bite ahead.
According to legend, the pursuit will finally end only when one of three impossible things happens:
* The pizza pocket cools down enough to eat without burning the roof of Barktholomew’s mouth.
* Gerald decides he’d rather chase garbage trucks than destiny.
* The Grey Rider realizes he wasn’t actually chasing the pizza pocket anymore—he was chasing the thrill of the chase itself.
Until then, somewhere beyond the next hill, you’ll hear the buzzing of giant wings, a triumphant cowboy hat waving through the air, and one exasperated yellow dog muttering with a full mouth:
“Can’t a fellow finish lunch in peace?”