/soy/ - Soyjaks

every day is just day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day of this hellish fucking misery
i love him but i've wronged him enough that is doesn't even fucking matter at all, no amount of myself sacrificed will ever actually atone for my inherently evil nature, something both in and out of my control, as i am both evil and act upon evil
ruinous torture psychically and psychologically will follow me for the rest of my life and death, for as long as my soul exists it will be tormented and rightfully fucking so
i can't see it as anything else but a consequence of my very existence being a mistake, not due to any human error, but an error of fate itself
ultimately it's apparent my existence should have conceded to his, but since it didn't, my life has to concede to his instead
even still i procrastinate ending my life with another new manipulative excuse that i need to fulfill some sort of sacred promise to him
i'm so fucking evil, i truly do believe that fate itself punished me by bringing my life into existence instead of letting my life and existence concede to his
my existence is a warped and perverted version of his, as is every aspect of myself, and there is no way i will ever be able to atone for that, it is my greatest shame and sin