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this shit eats away at my brain, every waking moment, i would sacrifice so much to go back to this time, with my current intellect, stopping myself from ever doing this. i was such a retard at the time but i need to get it off my chest.
I sexually harassed a girl on the bus.
It was a few years back, i had been watching those redpill videos where your just told to cold approach as many women as possible, i wanted to try it so bad, but im a naturally nervous person. Anyways, i was on the bus, and there was this really cute, semi-chubby alt girl sat opposite me. Looking back at it, we probably had nothing in common besides autism. But she was still gorgeous to me anyways.
My first mistake was getting out of my seat to sit next to her. She was probably uncomfortable but i didnt think of it that way at the time. I sat there for a solid minute, before i just said "Hi" to her, she was looking forward but she said hi back. i then complimented her hair and outfit, she definitely knew what i was up to, she was still looking forward but she just said "thanks". I already felt like this was a win, and at this point, i started getting really hard. My first mistake was putting my hand down my pants to tuck my penis into my waistband, she 100% saw that, and even if she didnt, she probably noticed my bulge anyways.
This is the part where it gets really bad: I put a hand into my pocket, grabbed my cock through it and started jerking off, i tried to be stealthy but it was way too obvious. I started looking at her , she immediately got up and straight up just shouted "Help" in this semi-shouting voice, my other mistake was not getting off the bus immediately and running away. Pretty much everyone was looking at this point, but i followed her, stood nearher and told her shes beautiful, and if i could have any social media of hers. She sidestepped away from me and shouted help again, by this point i stopped and started panicking, i still had my hand in my pocket throughout the entire thing, and it was obvious i was trying to subtly jerk off. there were multiple guys bigger than me and one of them just said out "what are you doing". couldnt even speak, just started pressing the stop button, i saw people getting out of their seats moving towards me and my heart was in my fucking stomach, i started shouting but i could barely speak i was so petrified, people were out of their seats and looking at me, we were like a whole 40 seconds away from the next stop, and i just tried to keep shouting, barely could, but i started speaking saying " i didnt do anything", quite a few people were confused, some looked angry, the girl was just standing there petrified, then she turned around and said to some woman "he was touching himself", felt my heart somehow drop for a second time, at this point i unironically started crying, i just kept saying "i didnt". some woman shouted out "fucking vile", at this point we reached a stop, immediately got out the bus and just started running, i think i ran over a mile, not even in the direction of my house, in the end i was quite a way away, i walked the entire thing back and never told anyone, its been eating at me for 2 years now and i still cry about it, i just had to post it here, it needs to go someway or the other.
what do i even do