>be me>browse soyjak threads during exam week instead of studying>see thread making fun of “mfs who say they only poop once a day”>everyone posting reaction images like this is the collapse of western civilization>laugh at how fake it sounds>th

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Chud 05/14/26 (Thu) 17:06:39 №16147779 [Quote]

>be me
>browse soyjak threads during exam week instead of studying
>see thread making fun of “mfs who say they only poop once a day”
>everyone posting reaction images like this is the collapse of western civilization

>laugh at how fake it sounds
>then start thinking about it
>then checking old memories
>then googling “average bowel movement frequency”

>3 hours later i’m reading fiber charts and judging strangers by toilet habits

>one anon replies:
>“bro accidentally became stoolpilled”

>physically ill from how accurate this is

>be me
>lurking late night wojak threads
>see anon claim:
>“real ones know the second your shirt comes off the poop gets 40% easier”

>stupidest sentence i’ve ever read

>later that night i’m on the toilet at 2am
>shirt off
>legs spread
>phone in one hand
>fighting for my life

>remember the post mid-push

>sit there in complete silence

>be me
>find thread arguing that “having a designated poop playlist is terminally bathroombrained”

>mock them for inventing fake psychology

>next day spend 15 minutes deciding if lo-fi or ambient rain sounds fits the vibe

>catch reflection in bathroom mirror wearing headphones on the toilet

>it’s over

>be me
>anon posts:
>“cis men do NOT understand the spiritual importance of a clean poop setup”

>roll eyes at obvious bait

>week later i own scented candles, baby wipes, a squat stool, and premium 4-ply toilet paper

>suddenly understand why rich people smile in bathroom commercials

>life ruined forever

>be me
>thread discussing “post-poop behavior patterns”
>everyone joking about sitting there for extra 20 minutes
>“just one more video”
>“just one more scroll”
>“waittt”

>start doing it ironically

>friend says:
>“why do you disappear for 45 minutes every morning now”

>stare at message in complete silence

>toilet flushes in the background

Chud 05/14/26 (Thu) 17:07:22 №16147784 [Quote]

File: YYYYYYYYYEEEEEESSSSSSSS.mp4 📥︎ (9.23 MB, 720x720) ImgOps

>>be me
>>browse soyjak threads during exam week instead of studying
>>see thread making fun of “mfs who say they only poop once a day”
>>everyone posting reaction images like this is the collapse of western civilization
>
>>laugh at how fake it sounds
>>then start thinking about it
>>then checking old memories
>>then googling “average bowel movement frequency”
>
~~>>3~~ hours later i’m reading fiber charts and judging strangers by toilet habits
>
>>one anon replies:
>>“bro accidentally became stoolpilled”
>
>>physically ill from how accurate this is
>
>
>>be me
>>lurking late night wojak threads
>>see anon claim:
>>“real ones know the second your shirt comes off the poop gets 40% easier”
>
>>stupidest sentence i’ve ever read
>
>>later that night i’m on the toilet at 2am
>>shirt off
>>legs spread
>>phone in one hand
>>fighting for my life
>
>>remember the post mid-push
>
>>sit there in complete silence
>
>
>>be me
>>find thread arguing that “having a designated poop playlist is terminally bathroombrained”
>
>>mock them for inventing fake psychology
>
>>next day spend 15 minutes deciding if lo-fi or ambient rain sounds fits the vibe
>
>>catch reflection in bathroom mirror wearing headphones on the toilet
>
>>it’s over
>
>
>>be me
>>anon posts:
>>“cis men do NOT understand the spiritual importance of a clean poop setup”
>
>>roll eyes at obvious bait
>
>>week later i own scented candles, baby wipes, a squat stool, and premium 4-ply toilet paper
>
>>suddenly understand why rich people smile in bathroom commercials
>
>>life ruined forever
>
>
>>be me
>>thread discussing “post-poop behavior patterns”
>>everyone joking about sitting there for extra 20 minutes
>>“just one more video”
>>“just one more scroll”
>>“waittt”
>
>>start doing it ironically
>
>>friend says:
>>“why do you disappear for 45 minutes every morning now”
>
>>stare at message in complete silence
>
>>toilet flushes in the background

Chud 05/14/26 (Thu) 17:07:28 №16147785 [Quote]

Publish your story somewhere else

Chud 05/14/26 (Thu) 17:09:57 №16147801 [Quote]

>>16147779 (OP)
Oh my Favci, I care about this!
Shit EVERYBALDI cares about