[ home / overboard ] [ soy / qa / raid / r ] [ int / pol ] [ a / an / asp / biz / mtv / r9k / tech / v / sude / x ] [ q / news / chive / rules / pass / bans / status ] [ wiki / booru / irc ]

A banner for soyjak.party

/soy/ - Soyjaks

Everybody said this
Catalog
Email
Subject
Comment
File
Password (For file deletion.)

File: ClipboardImage.png 📥︎ (28.38 KB, 255x217) ImgOps

 16147779[Quote]

>be me
>browse soyjak threads during exam week instead of studying
>see thread making fun of “mfs who say they only poop once a day”
>everyone posting reaction images like this is the collapse of western civilization

>laugh at how fake it sounds

>then start thinking about it
>then checking old memories
>then googling “average bowel movement frequency”

>3 hours later i’m reading fiber charts and judging strangers by toilet habits


>one anon replies:

>“bro accidentally became stoolpilled”

>physically ill from how accurate this is



>be me

>lurking late night wojak threads
>see anon claim:
>“real ones know the second your shirt comes off the poop gets 40% easier”

>stupidest sentence i’ve ever read


>later that night i’m on the toilet at 2am

>shirt off
>legs spread
>phone in one hand
>fighting for my life

>remember the post mid-push


>sit there in complete silence



>be me

>find thread arguing that “having a designated poop playlist is terminally bathroombrained”

>mock them for inventing fake psychology


>next day spend 15 minutes deciding if lo-fi or ambient rain sounds fits the vibe


>catch reflection in bathroom mirror wearing headphones on the toilet


>it’s over



>be me

>anon posts:
>“cis men do NOT understand the spiritual importance of a clean poop setup”

>roll eyes at obvious bait


>week later i own scented candles, baby wipes, a squat stool, and premium 4-ply toilet paper


>suddenly understand why rich people smile in bathroom commercials


>life ruined forever



>be me

>thread discussing “post-poop behavior patterns”
>everyone joking about sitting there for extra 20 minutes
>“just one more video”
>“just one more scroll”
>“waittt”

>start doing it ironically


>friend says:

>“why do you disappear for 45 minutes every morning now”

>stare at message in complete silence


>toilet flushes in the background

 16147784[Quote]

File: YYYYYYYYYEEEEEESSSSSSSS.mp4 📥︎ (9.23 MB, 720x720) ImgOps

>>be me
>>browse soyjak threads during exam week instead of studying
>>see thread making fun of “mfs who say they only poop once a day”
>>everyone posting reaction images like this is the collapse of western civilization
>
>>laugh at how fake it sounds
>>then start thinking about it
>>then checking old memories
>>then googling “average bowel movement frequency”
>
>>3 hours later i’m reading fiber charts and judging strangers by toilet habits
>
>>one anon replies:
>>“bro accidentally became stoolpilled”
>
>>physically ill from how accurate this is
>
>
>>be me
>>lurking late night wojak threads
>>see anon claim:
>>“real ones know the second your shirt comes off the poop gets 40% easier”
>
>>stupidest sentence i’ve ever read
>
>>later that night i’m on the toilet at 2am
>>shirt off
>>legs spread
>>phone in one hand
>>fighting for my life
>
>>remember the post mid-push
>
>>sit there in complete silence
>
>
>>be me
>>find thread arguing that “having a designated poop playlist is terminally bathroombrained”
>
>>mock them for inventing fake psychology
>
>>next day spend 15 minutes deciding if lo-fi or ambient rain sounds fits the vibe
>
>>catch reflection in bathroom mirror wearing headphones on the toilet
>
>>it’s over
>
>
>>be me
>>anon posts:
>>“cis men do NOT understand the spiritual importance of a clean poop setup”
>
>>roll eyes at obvious bait
>
>>week later i own scented candles, baby wipes, a squat stool, and premium 4-ply toilet paper
>
>>suddenly understand why rich people smile in bathroom commercials
>
>>life ruined forever
>
>
>>be me
>>thread discussing “post-poop behavior patterns”
>>everyone joking about sitting there for extra 20 minutes
>>“just one more video”
>>“just one more scroll”
>>“waittt”
>
>>start doing it ironically
>
>>friend says:
>>“why do you disappear for 45 minutes every morning now”
>
>>stare at message in complete silence
>
>>toilet flushes in the background

 16147785[Quote]

Publish your story somewhere else

 16147801[Quote]

>>16147779 (OP)
Oh my Favci, I care about this!
Shit EVERYBALDI cares about



[Return][Catalog][Go to top][Post a Reply]
Delete Post [ ]
[ home / overboard ] [ soy / qa / raid / r ] [ int / pol ] [ a / an / asp / biz / mtv / r9k / tech / v / sude / x ] [ q / news / chive / rules / pass / bans / status ] [ wiki / booru / irc ]