/r9k/ - ROBOT9999

so on /soy/ they're raiding some pedonigger forum and i saw screencaps and now i can't stop feeling sick. i was molested by a pedonigger when i was 13. that was my first real experience with anything sexual and i think this turned me kinda bi. yeah, i know, im a disgusting faggot and i should kill myself. i hate that i turned out like this. i hate that my sexuality was carved into me by some pedonigger. he made me this way and i never had a choice. i then read that some users on that forum were molested as kids too. and i just sit there and think… that could be me. that's literally my origin story too. seriously just think about it. what makes me different? what if i turn out as one of them 20 years later? i'm not attracted to kids at all. i would never hurt a child. but what if it just happens? what if it creeps up on me like it did with them? what if one day i wake up and i'm one of them? i can't shake the feeling. what if i'm already on that path and i don't even know it? it's like a parasite in my brain. every time i see something about pedos it triggers this spiral. if that actually ever happened i would kill myself immediately. i mean it. i couldn't live with that. i'd rather die than become that. maybe i'm just attentionwhoring, idk. im currently dating some brown wompa. i hope getting into a relationship will help me move on from this shit. thoughts?