/r9k/ - ROBOT9999

geggy nusoi

>>93306
my suffering from the slums of mumbai isnt funny

>>93298 (OP)
<Unoriginal content! You have been muted for 0 seconds.
nigger website just let me post an mp4

not reading allat

slut for bi wi si

While modern cosmopolitanism is kiked and overly idealist, the core belief is mostly correct. Obsessing over race is for mongoloid /pol/tards; race has very little to do with the success of a society, especially in comparison to culture. Accept what you can not change about yourself and understand that what you can change matters significantly more.

>>93325
are you new here? Isnt this entire board for words words words venting?

>>93298 (OP)
i want to get a white gf and assimilate in a white country, seems like ill be happy, i cant stand living with barbarians

>>93348
you are a barbarian. you aren't any different to them. die out brownoid

>>93349
you dont know me, you just stare at text on a screen

>>93335
i disagree with both race and culture, i disagree with the fundamental idea that the group is the most important. Modern beliefs like nazism, communism, even liberal democracy is so obsessed with prioritizing the group, nazis obsess over race which is a group of people, commies obsess over economic class which is a group of people, liberals obsess over "evil oppressive group against oppressed victim group" and let the group control the state
Group that, group this, i disagree with all of this, the individual matters the most, the individual ideally is the master of his own life and fate, not the group
All of these modern ideologies nazism, communism, liberalism all have a npc herd mentality to them, its like they're such npcs they cant comprehend actually being an individual thats not dependent on their group/herd, it seems they dont have the brain capacity to be anything other than herd animals fighting over their herd, dedicating their entire life and purpose to them.
The individual with his free will works towards his own good, his own purpose and goals in life

>>93298 (OP)
im a very sensitive person, ive read somewhere that people are on a spectrum of sensitive to uncaring. Some people cry easily and get hurt and feel much more pain from insults and dissaproval others while some people truly dont care and dont feel anything, those are 2 extreme ends though, it relates to the nervous system and the senses or something, its both psychological and personality based and physical.
Im born very sensitive, i easily cry and get hurt, being told im subhuman and i need to die, hurts me alot and i cry often while browsing here but that pain somehow becomes masochistic pleasure.
I know no one is gonna read this niggerbabble of nonsense so im just journaling here, just ignore this shitty thread and move on with ur life, this thread is for me.
Anyway, im not a total faggot, im not directly attracted to men but the idea of domination and humiliation was put in my head from a young age, both on such internet places like these and someone older sexually dominating me irl, so this site and basically whole of white supremacy where im the subhuman who gets humiliated and killed becomes some suicidal masochistic arousing addiction, i think its the overstimulation of negativity turning into some fucked up masochist positivity creating an addiction.
All of this is just nonsense on the internet not related to my life but it occupies a large portion of my mind, because my mind has developed a big addiction to negativity, cutting feels good but it leaves scars and I still have to care about how others percieve me to function, 2 of my arms are fucked up but the cuts are near my forearm so with sleeves, nothings seen, so ill just stick to hurting my mind
Its a very unique and absurd experience to be a non white here that im kinda grateful that i am non white so i would experience this masochistic fantasy, like imagine being told ur a subhuman, u need to die, suicide is a virtue if you're x race, and the best thing is, these are genuine words with genuine intent so this feels like something out of a masochist's erotic fiction but its actually real which makes my disgusting addiction even more worse.
But i think i have to quit all of this nonsense and just accept the idea that ive thought of a long time ago, im gonna be alone and not belonging to any community forever. The idea of having to belong to a community is just a stupid unreasonable primal thing, its not based on reasoning, but based on a primal need because our cavemen ancestors survival was threatened if they didnt have a tribe. But with abandoning primal cavemen urges, and dedicating life to reasoning, in the modern world, its the lonely individual who makes his own life and own path instead of any tribe or community, its only you alone who file your job applications, do your exams, do your studying, do your assignments, pick your own career, your life is really up to you. I hate my own people and culture, I hate humanity in general, im not gonna belong to anything, because im above them to be put into any category. I do like western culture the most, i grew up on the english speaking internet , i never interacted with my culture so i feel like a foreigner here, i feel like a foreigner everywhere but that shouldnt matter because "belonnging,identity,community" are unneeded in life and its just the crybaby primal part of the brain desiring it, i know ill never be accepted by any other human being but im not gonna mope and cry about it as those whiny incel faggots do, ill be proud that i was born racially disadvantaged, disadvantaged in many ways, and mocked and hated for those disadvantages by these human scum, and hopefully i can be happy and succesful in spite of my disadvantages, those who are more privilaged than me brag about something they didnt work a single day for.
I think i have severe fluctations of intense self hate and intense narccicism, also if u read all of this dont whine, u read it on ur own decision and you incel faggots can whine about the most non problem which are simply not getting women, and i can whine about my actual real problems

>>93378
why am i not writing this in some private jorunal? Yeah thats possible and thats the better option, but maybe here, silently lurking is a person like me, no culture, no cummunity, no belonging to anything, a person who hates their race, hates their people
I dont think im any anomaly, there has to be plenty of quiet non whites who browse places like these and enjoy the masochism, who are rejected and ostracized by their own people and culture, who can objectively see that their own people are barbaric subhumans so with no pride or belonging they come here to be ostracised and hated on, the closest thing they have to a community and friends sees them as subhumans deserving of no love and sympathy, so being socially isolated growing up, still socially isolated now and the only source of a community treating them like trash, they enjoy and love this negativity, constantly feeling like deserving of death, if you're one of those people i hope i captured ur experience well, we can be friends, we can cut together, we can share this masochist degeneracy, maybe even reply here and tell ur story and experiences, probably we will be similar, fuck i just realized im searching for some community, id just like to hear similar experiences

>>93382
Browncacas… not like this… is this your mindset?

>>93383
nigga, i wrote this shit for myself, no one is forcing you to read my subhuman ramblings

>>93378
This is just learned helplessness. Although it is most likely very difficult, you really should not take things so seriously. If you take everything at face value, places like this will ruin you(evidently). Something being a primal urge doesn't make invalid; basically everything you want and do are "primal". So wanting community is normal and trying to rationalize it away doesn't stop you from wanting it. I promise you will not become le Ubermensch who doesn't need anybody because you are just way too good for anything. If you think you can act completely rationally and just magically ignore emotion, you will be miserable the rest of your life. Seek balance in things and stop coping.

>>93298 (OP)
idk if anyone else can relate but I imagine people attacking me, im not hallucinating im well aware they're just imaginations but again with my brain's addiction to negativity, people hurting me, insulting me, physically attacking me, killing me, i keep imagining them. Im consciously aware that such scenarios in my head are not real but emotionally it feels real, and i feel shitty because of my damn imaginations.
I would guess this is a problem that happens for other people
I would imagine things like maybe some white supremacist would slit my throat or shoot me in the head, theres something nice about it, choking on my own warm blood, atleast someones cared enough about me to pay attentiont to me even if its hate and kill me, the warm touch of another human still happens even if its an attack
Im too much of a coward scared of pain and things going wrong to kill myself, so if someone else did it for me, id just stand there and death liberates me from this damned existance, and the legal reason wouldnt be suicide.
I know im writing my honest thoughts and feelings to be laughed at but that helps me, makes me understand and leave this stupid naive belief that someone cares for me, its all up to me, humans being caring or loving is just a naive idea. And where else are these thoughts are supposed to go, im anonymous here and i cant ever imagine telling what i really think to people irl, its not like psychiatrists are professional in my country anyway, i dont trust them, ill maybe get prescribed somthing just telling them my lifestyle rather than my thoughts.
This thread has no topic, its just a journal for me i guess

Why do self-hating brown people never just adopt the good traits they see in white people? Nothing is stopping you from working in science or business or writing a book or whatever else you think white people are good at

>>93378
nuswas… you've… you've outdone yourself

>>93412
>>93414
True, im still a biological human who is biologically threatened by a lack of belonging. But if i dont just think about it, i think i will be fine. I have alot of goals in life, big goals ive set for myself and those goals really keep me alive. My severe delusions of grandeur that ill be some succesful millionare above the people who wronged me and so i can feel better about myself that i was able to do something with my life.
As ive said, people just don't like me, and when people suck up to try to find a community and get rejected constantly, thats how an incel is created.
Ive always found incels and the blackpill stupid, theyve established through their soyentific studies or whatever that humans are very shallow, hypocritical and animal like. The obvious conclusion is humans are bad so trying to be with them is bad, but then they make the stupid conclusion which is to suck up and plead to be accepted by these bad humans, desperately trying to be liked by them. They call this "ascending", i see this as a retard trying to suck up to people who will never like them and see them as another human, sounds similar to me but instead of dating shit, its race shit.
Though with the plans i have for my life and me actually pursuing those plans, ill meet people irl like coworkers, in uni and stuff.
>Nothing is stopping you from working in science or business or writing a book or whatever else you think white people are good at
I have alot of goals in life, the mechanism of my goals is basically, learn skills that are in demand, not many people can do. Pretty much science and engineering jobs, im not gonna be very specific about my life plans because its rnca to you all but it does include becoming great in fields math,physics and cs. I need years and persistent learning, but im too much of a weak willed faggot subhuman and a an addict to the internet and its negativity to actually do what im supposed to.
I have many number of notebooks writing down and planning my life, those are solid plans that can work in reality but the problem is my weak will.
This whole thing is like escapism, i oddly like feeling like im a subhuman incapable of any potential and i was born this way which is totally out of my control, i wanna be some mentally retarded animal with no thought. The scariest thought for me is the reality, im not a retard, im not a subhuman, im just another guy, im a mediocre but still a healthy human with a working brain, im not expectionally bad or good, so i still have the capability of doing something with my life and becoming happy, but i just dont pursue it and thats the most bitter truth. Its better to have had no free will, doomed from the start which gets rid of personal responsibility, but the reality that i had potential and i wasted it kills me because that makes me realize im responsible for my own misery and not my birth, not my race, not anything else, just me. But atleast im young, i still have time and i need to stop fucking around getting upset at literally nothing, its not even like im brown or black, my race isnt hated intensely but still disliked by alot of people here, but its my own delusional ruminations and imagination that people want me dead or something. I have moments of clarity like this and i wanna stay this way but i get on the doomscrolling binge and my mind stops working and i drown and believe in my delusions.

>>93412
>Although it is most likely very difficult, you really should not take things so seriously. If you take everything at face value, places like this will ruin you(evidently).
I dont think this whole race obsession ruined me, its not the root cause, im just naturally a whiny faggot that will find anything to get sad about and start genuinely believing in those delusions. Even if i was born white ill probably find something else to think and get upset about and cry
Anyway i found a good coping tactic, understand that reality is not really real. Whether you're atheist or religious or any world view, reality is just a temporary blink compared to the eternal, for atheists the eternal is the void of nothing after death, for religious people the eternal is the afterlife. Worldviews and religions are irrelevent to this so ill say what kinda works for me, think of life as a roblox game, like in tycoons or simulators where you just grind points, learn skills (i fucking hate that i sound like a life is like a video game soyboy but life really is like a video game), anyway to enjoy the roblox game, you dont really think too deeply about anything else, you dont really care about other players, you just sit there grinding and increasing your points unlocking items and maps and so on, making your tycoon bigger, or increasing points in a simulator. If you played roblox as a child, you would know. The unfriendly and hateful people replaced by childish lego characters in my imagination. This is what life really is, its just a game, a temporary game with not much deep significance compared to eternity. A player doesnt think of himself as his game character, you move your character around doing stuff. An attack on the character isnt some deep emotional thing, its just an attack.
I cant express this in words but this makes reality feel surreal, like it doesnt really exist and im in a simulation where i have fun by just grinding like on a game. It really calms me down because it makes me take nothing serious, i feel disconnected from my own body, i feel disconnected from reality, whatever "me" is just controls this flesh body, and people who are mean are just attacking my video game character/flesh body and not "me". To conclude, identity, community, emotions, its all bullshit and not real, nothing is really real expect eternity, we just grind till we're quantillionares in the capitalist game like competition thats how we live life. In a roblox game i dont care when others make fun of my bacon avatar or whatever noob like avatar my character is and i just play the game, thats how i should see reality too, they're just making fun of my avatar a pretty shallow and surface thing that holds no signifigance, no one is really making fun of my race on the internet nor in reality, im just imagining it all but sometimes it feels real.
>>93418
Again, i know no one likes my whining, and no one is forcing you to read it. I had to write out my thoughts, my thoughts were bothering me so i had to vomit it out, i think about such things often and it bothers me. I cant say this to irl people obviously so ill write it here because im anonymous and no real consequences

>>93420
>but im too much of a weak willed faggot subhuman and a an addict to the internet and its negativity to actually do what im supposed to.
Stop telling yourself this dumb crap. Go watch 20 kobe bryant or kanye interviews and just memorize what they say

Self-belief is the most important thing in life. Let me give an example. Last night I showed my friend a piece of art I made in June that took several weeks to make. The whole time I was making the art, I felt super uncomfortable & nervous. I felt like it was above my skill level, like I wasn't emotional enough, I wasn't inspired enough, my work ethic wasn't good enough. I had a billion reasons to believe that I couldn't do this, that it was just impossible. But I took all those thoughts, and I just ignored them. And when I showed my friend, he said it's easily the best art I've ever made.

And this is not coming from some chad. I constantly struggle to even make art, because I don't believe in myself. But the more I believe in myself, the better my stuff turns out. When I go in with the mindset, "Maybe I will fail, maybe I will succeed", then I will probably make boring uninteresting crap. But if I go in with the mindset, "I KNOW I will succeed, I will make the best shit of all time" my stuff always turns out awesome

>>93428
thanks, alot of times i have these moments of motivations and clarity, my mind finally feels clear and free of negative delusiosn but one click of a mouse leads to a doomscrolling cycle and my mind turns off and returns to its fried overstimulated depressed state.
When I really question the source of all of this negativity, it is the addiction, i naturally have lots of motivation to do something and genuinely believe i can do it but because of my addictive personality, i waste away destroying my own mind with internet consooming like being here

>>93431
its a cycle of I can do it- then i actually live a peaceful happy life for a few months at best, then with one click or one swipe, like a junky taking one hit of the crack pipe, i relapse and i return to my old tired, retarded internet consoomer self, when im in such a state i become a complete degenerate, i dont do basic hygiene like brushing my teeth or showering, i rot in my bed or on my desk literally for weeks or months, and in my filth and trash and tiredness having my feelings hurt by looking at toxicity on the internet. Progress made on my health and fighting my tiredness gets undone by this damn addiction

>>93298 (OP)
I already know my plans and what i need to do for my happiness and good, theres no reason to be here, all of this is just a distraction.
Thanks to the few people who cared and replied, but i wont be looking at this, goodbye

>>93298 (OP)
ill be honest about my age, im 17 so im not supposed to here by the rules so obsessed jannies 'nish me for a trillion years, i hope i wont be here when im 18, when im 18 ill be happy and at peace in real life