/r9k/ - ROBOT9999

Does anybody else have a strong desire to be recognized and revered but are too afraid to "put themselves out there" on the internet or make themselves known in an identifiable manner? I've recently liked the idea of making YouTube videos using my voice, but the fear that I will somehow be recognized, doxxed and made fun of prevents me from doing so. I'm something of a sensitive little fuck and having to constantly cope with or even defend myself and my videos from the criticism and mockery of others on top of trying to be a conscientious opsecKING seems like it would just occupy my mind 24/7, and not in a good way. It's completely alien to me how so many people just have absolutely no inhibition in regards to posting things about themselves online, especially when using their full government name, their face and their voice, regardless of how controversial the content they're making is.
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This (quite reasonable) fear is also one of the reasons I don't post on any f0rums, soysphere related or otherwise, because people will be able to recognize me and all of the times I've said stupid things, lost arguments or made shitty OC, and I don't want those things being used against me. I know that I shouldn't care what people think of me, but this always comes off as an abstract maxim that can't meaningfully be applied no matter what I do. The only time I attempted to become a namefag on one of these sites, I became very preoccupied with the thought that I had made a terrible, terrible decision and became quite internally volatile over the coming days until I gave up. Keep in mind, this was under a completely anonymous moniker which produced a grand total of less than 30 posts.
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I know this may seem strange to most of you, but I almost find it harder to act confidently online rather than in real life, simply because the version of myself I put forward in real life is largely detached from my true thoughts and feelings on most matters, and if not, often superficially and half-ironically. Online, I should be able to express myself, but my fear of being mocked for stating my true thoughts and feelings instead of just putting forth an inauthentic, ironic caricature of myself coupled with the looming anxiety of people I know in real life somehow coming across it and adding fuel to the flames prevents me from doing so. I know that "coming out of my shell" may sometimes feel appealing, but it always ends in me feeling far worse after the fact, on account of the listening parties either using the information I provided them with against me or just the mere prospect of them doing so, which incites this dreadful feeling within me and usually forces my hand into distancing myself from them or ceasing communication with them entirely. Acting with little inhibition is far easier when I only have to temporarily perform for a total of maybe four of five people who are in my direct vicinity than what may as well be an infinitely looping routine, incapable of being tweaked or stopped to an infinitely large crowd of people, forever, which is exactly what making YouTube videos with my voice would entail.