â„–90334[Quote]
Ok so occasionally for the last month and the last few days in particular I have been feeling consistently low mood and tearful and even a bit hopeless for large chunks of the day. And I have been finding less and less enjoyment in things that used to give me dopamine. For example, while I still generally enjoy playing video games, doomscrolling feels much more pointless, flat and hollow than it did before, I have had little sex drive (doe I'm KV) in the last few days and don't watch porn anymore, (I've also never really liked parties and have been to very few and have never done drugs). Also for a while now I've been exercising give or take 5-6 days a week now and I like it. Basically I am finding progressively less and less enjoyment in instant/rapid gratification things and now I feel as if some of them are actively mentally unpleasant. I have also started reading much more again (I used to read LOTS as a kid but it sort of dropped off for a couple of years, then came back, then dropped off again pretty much fully), just today I read for almost 2 hours straight while I was at college instead of socializing (for the last few years have mainly been reading history and now some philosophy and a bit of sociology). This has also partly contributed to a feeling that my mind, and ESPECIALLY above all, my outlook on life, has changed significantly over the past couple of months, I feel like I'm recognizing very harmful aspects of the modern world for what they are but as a consequence (also due to college exams stress) I've been very low of mood recently, and bedrotted for like 4 hours yesterday doing nothing but staring into space. The past few days I have cried in private for a long time every day and have felt quite numb and hopeless. It's just that there's so many ways we weren't meant to live nowadays and there's so much evil and unnaturalness in the world and so on, to the point where I have had thoughts of roping (which I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do because of how sad it would make my parents it would be really selfish to do so I won't)
But this is the part that is really weird, a while ago I asked God for a sign that he existed and to show me (I have always found Christianity interesting and have done a fair amount of reading into it but I'm an agnosoystic). So yesterday, when I was really deep in sadness and dark thoughts, as if by coincidence I saw and have noticed several things online and in real life yesterday and today discouraging people from suicide. Like today I was talking with a friend and it came up independent of me speaking. So idk if I'm being an obsessed schizo but surely these are signs from God no? It would make sense if true, at my lowest mental point that I can remember and at the peak of my hopelessness I saw some signs. Idk this seems minor and obsessed but it's been bugging me the last day or so.
â„–90364[Quote]
typey typey
â„–90403[Quote]
>>90334 (OP)Yeah it's nice that you are happier but that's a coincidence. Yet God does exist. You can ask him for good mood, success in studying, answers, insights, good sleep and interesting dreams and so on. Just don't ask for material shit like a merchant. And put effort into it yourself nigga, God won't do all your work instead of you. Don't use fixed pre-written prayers like those religion NPCs, it must be honest and from your heart.
â„–90422[Quote]
>>90403I don't want material stuff from God tbh
â„–90423[Quote]
you are depressed and looking for something to cling on to (in this case, God)
â„–90464[Quote]
>>90423I don't think I'm depressed
â„–90471[Quote]
>>90464not him but what he said sounds right
Do you genuinely think you are not depressed after you said you do everything right and still feel "low mood"
â„–90479[Quote]
read some actual theology or the bible or sum instead of "asking for a sign."
St. Thomas Aquinas is probably fine to read if you have read history and philosophy for fun. Look up 'Aquinas's five ways' if you are interested in finding God.
â„–90511[Quote]
>>90479Will do
>>90481So obsessed
>>90471Idk I think it's weird that if I am cultivating healthy and good habits and staying away from bad ones and "doing (mostly) everything right" then there's no reason for me to be depressed
â„–90527[Quote]
>>90479>>90511You should retain your critical thinking while reading. Remember that it was written long ago, edited multiple times, had translation errors and so on. Apply basic logic, remember that the goal of most organized religion is to gather money and power, and they're not against falsifying history for it.
No I'm not an atheist soyboy, I am christian and against organized religion. Blind worship is bad for you and the others.
â„–90537[Quote]
>>90527Radical comparison of the self against the world or something
â„–90538[Quote]
>>90511>no reason for me to be depressedDepression is not a thing to have a reason for. It's your reward system being fucked up for whatever reason, let it be genetics, trauma, porn, loneliness. You can do everything right and still get fucked. I am not diagnosing you I am just saying that it's not worth to brush off for "not having a reason".
â„–90548[Quote]
>>90538May be due to loneliness but I won't speculate on myself
â„–90566[Quote]
>>90538Actually nevermind thinking about it I definitely have reasons and some of them aren't solvable
â„–90657[Quote]
>>90637Unfortunately the problems are actively detrimental
â„–90685[Quote]
>>90334 (OP)I relate to recognizing how bad things are in the world, I also realized that really no one in this world, no politician or person is going to save you and we chuddies must become stronger and better in order to make our planet an actually better place. We won't change anything if we keep sitting on our asses and keep whining about how things suck.
>>90403>>90527While I do understand where you are coming from, not every single priest, bishop, etc. is some greedy evil person geg. There definitely are some bad people but most priests are honest and decent people.