/r9k/ - ROBOT9999

For the majority of my life, I have been staunchly opposed to using drugs of any kind, including even the more "socially acceptable" substances like alcohol and nicotine. Recently, however, I have been thinking about the efficacy of psychedelics (specifically psilocybin and LSD) for fixing an inefficient mind, and if they would be worth virtually trying out in Garry's Mod and certainly not in the (((real))) world.
note: You can skip reading the middle three paragraphs if you don't want to hear me whining about being a genetic dead-end as motivation for wanting to try Garry's Mod psychedelics
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For the past year and a half (at the very least), I've been experiencing these recurrent bouts of negativity, for lack of a more definitive term. It's gotten to the point where I am led to believe I spend more time in them than out of them, though it's hard to tell, due to my perception of time's passing being somewhat distorted. I'm not mentally ill, and I don't want to speculate too much about the topic, nor do I have any neurological/developmental disorders, but I am of the belief that I am a bit more neurotic than the average person, although certainly not debilitatingly so. It feels as if the smallest things, challenges other people can simply endure and roll with, are more difficult for me to deal with: criticism, humiliation and studying come to mind first and foremost. If I experience one small setback, my mind immediately jumps to fatalistic scenarios and monologues about wanting to have never been born. I often feel like an animal, driven by fears and whims in addition to random and formulated impulses to avoid falling victim to something terrible and foreboding.
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Every day I would wake up, go to school, come home, walk my dog, sometimes make my own dinner, and merely completing these seemingly simple tasks was enough to sap me of absolutely all of my energy. Some days, I wouldn't even be able to bring myself to load up a singleplayer game to mindlessly run and jump around in, let alone anything that requires a modicum of brainpower or thought. I would spend most of my time on soypoop.shitty and/or 4cuck to making a number of concise replies and maybe posting a zero effort thread or two, and these few mundane activities would make up the bulk of my day. The only thing that motivated me to do the absolute bare minimum work for my final year of school, if even that, was my amygdala (or whichever part of the jewman brain is responsible for instigating fear) informing me that if I didn't do it, I would be humiliated and made to feel lesser, which is a true and reasonable thought, although not a pleasant one. Eventually, however, I began to gradually care even less about being humiliated and viewed as a retard, because the feeling that I should just go LDAR and accept that it's over began to creep in, that this life means absolutely nothing compared to The World to come. It's a very calming feeling, one that's difficult to logically argue against. Most things bring me little feelings of pleasure and reward, and it only seems logical that this life is not worth trying to make palatable. If most of my day consists of oscillating between boredom, resentment, frustration and self-pity, why should I make things worse by punishing myself rather than allowing myself to be punished externally? I could speak a lot more about my thoughts and emotions, but I don't think this thread needs to be any more disjointed and drawn out than it already is.