/r9k/ - ROBOT9999

Fuck this, I give up on socialising. I hate putting effort into having "social skils". Most the time, i legitimately do not care about other peoples lives and just want to talk about myself because it makes up for the attention that I never received growing up, and that it feels good for someone to listen to me. Socialising and being around people just feels like a constant battle and competition to see who can garner the most support, respect and loyalty out of people
Every time I enter a conversation with someone, I resist the urge to just talk about myself because I don't want to seem like a selfish bastard
But it feels so fucking good and im tired of pretending otherwise
^inb4 you probably have autism
I probably do have some form of neurodivergence, that or my brain chemistry has been decaying ever since puberty. Growing up, I barely got any attention or actual loyalty from my supposed "friends" and most the time i was left to rot playing video games
The only consistent companion I can think of is my childhood dog, and seeing him age breaks my heart. There hasn't been much for me to like about humanity, or relationships in general
I'm a miserable prick and I think its natural that people should just avoid me, GDE walking.
I don't even view people as human anymore, just things who react to certain stimuli who just happen to share the same physical characteristics as me, albeit with a few mutations
<im probably just losing my fucking mind since the last time i've had a sincere, meaningful conversation with someone in real life has been…idek i legit cannot remember
whatever