i really am such a disgusting person. inside and out. my body is really terrible, i've done things to it that can't be undone and it makes me look like such a freak. my mind has been ruined and i'll never be able to fix it, either. and i'm supposed to be i

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Chud 10/27/26 (Tue) 03:50:44 №104136 [Quote]

i really am such a disgusting person. inside and out. my body is really terrible, i've done things to it that can't be undone and it makes me look like such a freak. my mind has been ruined and i'll never be able to fix it, either. and i'm supposed to be in the peak physical/mental condition of my entire life right now. it's only down hill from here, for the rest of my life it will only continue to get worse. i hate my body so much i just want to destroy it and live detached from it, yet even still i'd have my terrible mind with me. there's really just no way to escape the nightmare whichever way you put it.

Chud 10/27/26 (Tue) 07:47:41 №104143 [Quote]

oh my brother, i don't relate to the body part but in terms of morals i relate in equal severity; i have to wonder how much atonement will be enough. frankly it feels never ending and i wonder if it's supposed to be that way
the difference between us i think is that no one knows or will ever know how disgusting and borderline psychopathic i've always acted. i have no fear of consequences yet still face a crushing guilt that consequences would do little to atone for

Chud 10/27/26 (Tue) 07:51:56 №104144 [Quote]

oh wait you weren't talking about morals, uhh whoops nevermind

Chud 10/29/26 (Thu) 02:31:05 №104396 [Quote]

Maybe you should try surrounding yourself with beauty. Right now is a great time of year to do so. Going to places like state parks, cathedrals, even some country roads can do much more for you than you thought.
I know that it can be agonizing to feel so detached from your body but you should know that the mind and the body are one and it is better to make peace with it than to try and escape it. Practice prayer and meditation and ask the Lord for strength when you feel you have none.

Chud 10/29/26 (Thu) 04:44:58 №104401 [Quote]

I know you might cringe at this, but I went through the exact same thing, and my faith was the only thing that truly helped me. It is actually what led me to philosophy and reading in the first place. The Bible itself is deeply profound. It contains great wisdom, but it also reflects the very despair you are feeling right now.