/qa/ - Question & Answer

this is probably among the worst day of my life. ill save you the paragraph and just say me and my dad had a fight because he hates that im retarded and i ended up throwing my phone at him and now there's a hole in the door because of course it hit the cheap shitty paper mache american door and left a hole in it. really because its that my mom threw away my favorite box and i got really upset. but it was a really good box and i needed it for something else, and my dad doesn't seem to understand how important a box is to me which is really upsetting. even my grandma was making fun of me I guess. I feel like everyone makes fun of me. and none of my coworkers take me seriously anymore. One time they were having a conversation about the technology here and how their job sucks and I'm like "yeah as a software programmer this shit drives me insane haha. you know. yeah you know. yep. ok" bevause they literally stopped talking afterwards and went back to looking at their screens. i really wish my boyfriend could comfort me right now but hes a little exactly like me too if you know what I mean but no offense against him, I just don't want to bother him with my worries. I just feel so upset you know, it feels like my life was robbed from me. I am forced to live in neurotypical society and just because I am an ugly chopped male, I get none of the help and attention that quirky emo girls get endless supplies of CPS interventions on their house meanwhile I literally rotted from undiagnosed autism. I have been like this my whole life and literally everyone turned a blind eye and let me get kicked out of school and my parents wonder why I never had friends, why I struggle to shower or take care of myself, why I got kicked out of highschool for threatening to shoot up the school when I was 17, my dad strangled me btw because I was making fun of george floyd the day after he died btw. In response to literally anything I do where I express myself I get punished or strangled by neurotypical adults. I remember in middle school I used to get bullied by elementary schoolers constantly but fortunately this didn't happen in my senior year because everyone can laugh at the funny weird looking white kid who eats bugs during class. I ate a spider once but I got really schizo cuz I was scared it had worms in it or something. Also did I mention my dad got me baptized by a priest personally cause my dad said I was demonically possessed. That's not supposed to be cool and edgy. That is legitimately so saddening that it's easier for my own progenitor to accuse me of being possessed by literal satan than to wrap his head around my condition. It's always "not my son he's too smart" and letting me ruin my own life while beating me for being autistic. i have zero empathy and zero remorse and i will probably die alone with zero friends at all. the cool thing about autistic people is that not even autistic people want to be friends with autistic people. I've had 0 friends online or irl my whole life. blah blah blah blah blah.
<part 2
Oh and then afterwards I went to my siblings ceremony today because theyre a youknowwhat scout. It was really loud in there and people talking and cracking mcu jokes constantly and I literally had to cover my ears because it was so fucking loud. I had to piss the entire time but it's taboo for people to get up and they have to listen to this entire boring snca shit thay nobody cares about that one of the leaders is retiring or whatever. I don't care. I just don't care. I do not vare. I don't care. I do not cere. I don't care. I do not care. I do not care. O don't even care
I do not care
O dont car.e I dint care. I dont care. I dont care. I dont care. I dont csre. And you talk too loud. you talk too loud. uou talk too loud. you galk to loud. i hate listening to people voices and i hate when too many people are talking in the same room and it's just voices over voices overlaid on voices and too many voices and there's not enough time for me to listen to them all there's just too many voices and indont eben onow why i was forced to go, i think my dad pressured me to go cuz i broke his door. but ir was an accident. i didnt mean to break your door. he's so fucking stupid actually I hate him and wish he would die unironically I am so genuine. His stupid nigger fucking door. I bet he would want to kill me of george floyd again. he would rather abandon hos son for a nigger. He would rather strangle his son for a nigger. One time my dad mindraped me and made me do hours of excruciating military exercises cuz I played with soap and he's like don't move! don't get up! keep going! do it! do it! youre my soldier! you are my soldier! thats right spongie! I own you! dont move! youre mine! you do what i say! im the man of this house! anything i say go! i used to piss myself all the time in my bed to exert control over my own house. you do what i say! listen to me! shut up! you little retard! you literally retard! you should kys! you should be ashamed to be autistic! you should never let anybody know you are autistic! to be you is to be shameful! nobody wants to be spongie! nobody will ever like you because you are an autistic retard! you are a retard! i was in the military But if YOU were in the military you would die
i seen my buddies die from overdoses and get hit by mortars and get killed by ieds (but im a pussy who never killed anybody) but if my son spongie was in the military ohhohoh. he's too stupid. he's dumb . couldn't eben catch a soccer ball. my dumb son is too scared of the ball. no matger how many times i sign him up for soccer he's too scared of the ball heh. i guess hes a little retard we have to kill him. he's a retard. I've been telling you my sons a retard. Everything he does is retarded. He will never amount to anything because he's so fucking autistic. When I found out he was gay for the first time I grounded him for half a year and I am so genuinely serious I don't even care anymore so go ahead and make fun of me I literally have bpd so it's okay I don't give a fuck anymore. Go on. Make fun of me! Do it! I love being made fun of! it's easier for autistic people to be the worst people ever and have literally everyone look down on them rather than be accepted or even loved or even cared for and while my mother left me to rot because she's too busy having birth or something i dont fucking know shes a bitch who epi me when i was a kid and even my dad epi me because i told my dad that i dont jerk off until i was 17 and because i kept having wet dreams he epi me and encouraged me and I fucking hate him i fucking hate his disgusting normgroids thoughts i hate how my dad has abused me all my life because he didn't know i was autistic and kept thinking im just like him but he punished me for every single time i drop something or i forget something or i dont understand instructions he always has to punish me or strangle me or beat me or even epi me but no I hate him I hate you I hate you so much I hate you so much id put a thosuand million six million holes in your door. why you ask because you know youre a nigger. you deserve to be lynched like a nigger and i hope one day i get to watch you die from driving off a cliff when you move back to south america because you want to abandon me and go live your retired life after you told.me your plans to divorce my mom and go live alone in niggerland where you can enjoy your stupid fucking culture and go sight seeing because you only care about yourself and you'd rather go on vacation forever than take care of or even see your autistic son or even let.him know that he matters. when i told you you immediately it called it mental illness rather than autism. without a second of a doubt no matter even if I've been doing this bs and sperging out irl since the moment I was born I've been sperging out online in giant paragraphs and even irl but that usually results in me getting beat and niggered up anyways so what difference does it make it's not like anybody even cares because I am 100% a jesternigger here and I will probably not even relate to a single thing I typed here right now because I'm easily influenced and that's probably just fuck butt god damnit fucking apenfucking ass god fuck in ng stilid gucking bitch damnit i am so mad that i want to break something but i dont have anything to hurt right now i am just so angry i am so angry i sm just so mad i M just so angry.
Mr Rogers said what do you do when you are so mad that you feel like a little ball in your hands and you just roll it up and I'm just so MAD nigger and you take that thing and that's you being mad and you hold it there like a little ball and just observe your feelings objectively you just hold it there and that's you outside of you and you holding it there is supposed to give you the feelings to empower yourself and do whatever you want I guess.