â„–3806739[Quote]
Night terrors.
That's what those are, and they can cause some of these other symptoms.
March on soldier. What else is there to do? Worry more? Stress more? No
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I don't know if this is considered anxiety, but I can't leave the house without feeling incredibly antsy and on edge that something terrible is going to happen to me, like someone is going to begin hurling abusive insults at me or throw something on me. Consequently, I dislike going outdoors and only do so when necessary. I wish I could just become invisible every time I left my house.
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While out today, some guy asked me for a cigarette. I know it was an inane interaction, he didn't try to rob me or anything, but after I smiled and said no it was as if my body entered fight or flight mode. I just cut my route short and speedwalked all the way home while intermittently muttering and counting to myself because I felt like there were more people like him who wouldn't be so charitable, people who would certainly attack or jump me. When I leave my home, I have these particularly violent and/or negative thoughts about the people I see, though only particularly if they fit a profile that I find distasteful (brown skin, dressed like a crackhead, etc.). It sometimes extends to animals too, though its only if the animal has somehow transgressed against me by barking at me or following me. I wouldn't consider the thoughts intrusive, because they're sort of therapeutic in the sense they give me a feeling of power, control and release. I feel like, in my current state, I wasn't meant to exist in a civil society but I know I would die within days if I was ever ousted from one.