/pol/ - International /Pol/itics & /Bant/er

Let me tell you a story my father once told me about the Soviet Union when he was in Russia during a business trip. This is the story of a CIA agent in the Soviet Union. This is happening in, like, during the 1980s in Moscow. His handlers back in Washington assigned him a task to sabotage Soviet railways and to spy on Communist Party members and to also get information on how life is in the Soviet Union. He has been living in the Soviet Union for almost more than four weeks. He has been forced to eat nothing but cabbage water, wait at lines to even get simple things like toilet paper. and dealing with quite horrible Soviet bureaucracy, and on a Monday morning he says to himself that he has enough, that he's going to surrender. Because he knows the KGB will offer him a warm cell with warm food for being a CIA spy. So he gets into his Lada. He drives straight to the KGB headquarters in Lubyanka, he goes to the pretty lady who's the receptionist and he just tells him in Russian that he's an American spy and he's here to surrender himself. But then this Russian receptionist doesn't even look at him and just hands him a note telling him to go to room 312. So the American spy takes the elevator and walks up to room 312. So he enters the room. He tells the man working in the room that he's an American spy. But then the man asks him, are you armed or unarmed? So he says that yeah, he's armed. But then the man tells him, okay, go to room 415. The American spy then rushes to room 415. He opens the door while panicking and sweating and he says that he's an American spy and he's armed. But then the man in the room asks him, do you have any communication devices on you? The American spy says yes and even shows them, but then the man tells him to go to room 108. So the American spy takes the elevator but then the elevator breaks down so he goes down the stairs while sweating and panicking and he goes to room 108. He forcibly opens the door to the room and yells to the man in the room that he is an American spy. He is armed with a gun. He has a communicating device on him and he wishes to surrender. But then the man in the room 108 asks him, do you have any assigned tasks? But then the American spy, while panicking and even kind of frustrated, says yes. He was assigned a task to Sabotage Soviet Railways and to spy on communist party members. But then the man in room 108 then tells him, then why the fuck did you come here to bother me with your paperwork? Go do your work! The American spy then has enough and he faints to the ground.