/pol/ - International /Pol/itics & /Bant/er

I'm 24 years old and this year has been the hardest. After 24 years of zero substance I became addicted to Xanax(none prescribed). I became I addicted because I guess I had severe anxiety. Over the last 2 years I was abused by my employer. My parents over saw my tapering of Xanax and it's been 5 days of being completely off it. I've realized I am a very very angry person because I've committed vandalism and hurt people I love. I have this on and off relationship with God, last month I was off and I gambled all my money away, and I've become very narcissistic hoping bad stuff would happen to my family and random people because of my severe anxiety and trying to maintain control. 2 hours ago I had a mental breakdown in the basement because I regretted hurting my cat and he still comes back but just for food and leaves immediately because he's scared. Im sad because I never showed my family I loved them because I am anxious, I don't want attachment because I am terrified of death. Truth is I'm a coward, a sinner, and a loser and I don't know what to do. I'm losing grip of reality. Please help me. Lord Jesus Christ forgive me