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https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/gw31pr/i_was_raped_yesterday/>TW: sexual assault and Suicide
<
>On Tuesday I was raped. I met a guy while I was working at my new job and we connected so I gave him my snapchat. We talked about a lot of nerdy stuff, and eventually it got a little sexual so I decided it would be nice to have him over for lunch and maybe a few drinks. Once he got to my apartment he was still super nervous and anxious, visibly shaking and clammy. I comforted him and made sure he knew that everything is alright and things will be chill, after all we're just hanging out. I showed him the kitchen since He wanted to make a couple drinks for us. It wasn't until a few hours later I realized he over poured me. Eventually after talking about work for a few minutes my roommate left to take the dog for a walk. The second the door closed he grabbed my throat, things went from there.<>After everything I started to cry, he packed up his bags and left. Once he was out the door he removed and blocked me on everything.<>My roommate came back and asked what the fuck just happened and I told her everything, breaking down and becoming a little manic in the process. She was incredibly upset, saying that I "shouldn't bring this shit into her apartment" and told me to leave. I got in my car and left with the intent to kill myself. I called up my dad and told him how much he meant to me which understandably freaked him out. Eventually he threatened to either answer him and head back to my apartment or he would call the police. I went home and cried myself to sleep.<>Today I got myself checked out to make sure I wasn't hurt, and I'm fine. Just some bruises and scratches. But this isn't the first or even second time this has happened in less than a year. Being transgender has put a target on me, and I feel like I'm constantly sifting through people who either want to murder me or people who want to objectify me. I'm so scared.<>Edit: thank u all for your love and support, but it would really mean a lot to me if we can lay off on calling my roommate a piece of shit. â„–3457440[Quote]
Bro…… bro was raped yesterday
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BRO…
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This is too Islampilled
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let us stand solemnly to this tragedy…
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I stopped reading past the "tw" mark
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IT'S
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>>3457451Basically. He got Raped yesterday
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100% chance this is just a fantasy being projected
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I don't know. I just need to get this off my chest because I don't have anyone irl to talk to about this.
I've had a lot of trauma throughout my life; childhood physical, emotional, sexual abuse; I've had multiple suicide attempts and self harmed for years; been in and out of psych hospitals and treatment for years. Blah blah, tragic backstory.
I got raped last night. By a much older man. Pretty aggressively; he hit me a lot and I have some nasty bruises and I'm very sore.
I dissociated HARD afterwards; I had a bit of a breakdown/panic attack when I left his house, and then I just shut down and basically have been shut down all day. Last night I showered as soon as I got back home and then literally sat in my closet staring at the wall for like 4 hours.
I had a therapy session at the end of the day today. I'd only just barely started hinting at the other trauma I've experienced with this therapist, I've only been with him for a few months. And I told him (vaguely, mostly just implying but he understood what I was saying) what happened on Wednesday, and he was very nice and understanding about it.
But now I just feel weird. I cut myself right after my therapy session and then shut down for a bit, and now I feel kinda weird but mostly normal.
I ate icecream, I watched some YouTube, I'm reading SCP stories online. I feel crazy. I should be fucked up after last night. I should be traumatized and freaking out and a mess.
But I'm…basically fine. I was mostly functional today and I don't feel like I'm about to break down. I feel kinda off, kinda disconnected and detached, but not in the way I was when I was dissociating last night or even this morning.
I didn't get any catharsis after telling my therapist what happened; I told him at the end of our session so we didn't really even talk about it that much.
I do feel a bit better just having told someone, but I feel like that's not enough; when I first told a therapist about some of the stuff that happened when I was a kid, I was a fucking wreck and tried to kill myself soon after.
Why am I not freaking out? Am I just fucking made to be abused so much that it doesn't even affect me anymore?
What the fuck is wrong with me?