№89169Quote[Last 50 Posts]
The city of shartenburg has been seeing heavy unrest and chaos ever since Soot became the city administrator. The Goon Gang, once a small criminal network, has evolved into a militia that has taken control of a large chunk of the city. As the city entered a dark age, it needed a hero, and it got one, COBMAN!
While in his gemcave, he finds out that Soot has been kidnapped by the goon gang and is being held hostage at an unknown location.
Cobman must try to save soot and defeat the goon gang, but first he must come up with a plan.
BEGIN!
The news report about the kidnapping of soot keeps playing on the tv, you have figured out that the culprit must be the goon gang, as they are his greatest enemies.
You must now rescue soot, but the road to there will take time and will be difficult.
First reply decides cobmans first action.
№89368Quote
>>89364Cobman reactives his slow ability to try and save the baby as fast as he can before the bullets hit him
№89369Quote
>>89368while also dodging the bullets
№89370Quote
>>89367>>89368>>89369You snap your fingers and activate the time slow ability again.
You pick up the baby and save him before the bullets can hit.
You then action slide under the gooners and smash in the door, time goes back to normal and king caca follows.
The ability can’t be used for another 20 turns again.
You have now entered something that looks like a test lab or a collection room, there are lots of objects of gooning stored in the room.
You hear a strange sound from deeper inside the building.
№89371Quote
>>89370Blast the purple minion before he escapes
№89372Quote
>>89371You go to the goon minions glass container and blast it with your shotgun. The strange green subsance runs out on the floor, it smells incredibly gassy.
Despite getting shot in the head, the minion survives.
^goooooooooooon! №89373Quote
>>89372Take a lot of steps back and try to talk with him. If he tries to atrack, empty three shotgun shells into him.
№89374Quote
>>89372nettspend and sematary come out of a rick and morty portal
№89375Quote
>>89373>>89374You take several steps back and try to talk to the goon minion.
>hey, you understand me, right?^haha, gooooooon, hahaha!The minion tries to jump at you and you shoot him 3 times, his dead body drops to the floor.
A Rick and Morty portal opens and the literal who rappers step out of it.
№89376Quote
>>89375Ask them if they're gooners or not
№89377Quote
>>89375whats up with the purple minion guy in the test tube, he might have something to do with the gooner outbreak
№89379Quote
>>89378Have them join your party then collect the body pillow as bait
№89380Quote
>>89379>wanna join our team?<sure, lets kick some gooner ass!The rappers officially join your party.
King caca smashes the bodypillow test tube and takes the body pillow as bait.
№89381Quote
>>89380Proceed to the next room
№89382Quote
>>89381Your party enters the next room.
This room is filled with gooners, they are defending the entrance to a tunnel, you hear the strange sound echoing from the tunnel, the sound of something moving.
№89383Quote
>>89382ask what the sound is
№89385Quote
>>89383>>89384Its past midnight for me, im gonna do these when i wake up
№89386Quote
>>89382MARYLIN MANSON ATTACKS COBMAN
№89387Quote
up
№89388Quote
>>89383>>89384>whats that sound?>none of your business!Everyone attacks the gooners at once, cobman blasts one with his shotgun, sematary saws one and king caca uses his /caca/borean magic on one.
Sematary charges forward and saws the last remaining gooners to pieces, he does get stabbed a bit doe.
Your party enters the tunnel, after walking for just a bit they come across (((devin)))
№89389Quote
>>89386This is queued until after the devin encounter
№89391Quote
>>89388Put a collar and leash on his neck and tell him to roll on the ground if he wants a treat
№89392Quote
>>89391You take out a color and leash and throw it on (((devin)))’s neck like a lasso.
>roll if you want a treat(((Devin))) says
%%>(((oy vey, i thought we were the master, but now goyim is master over me!)))%%
№89393Quote
>>89390Wont fit into the image
№89394Quote
>>89392Feed him a cookie for acknowledging your ownership of him
№89395Quote
>>89394You feed (((devin))) a cookie for acknowledging your ownership of him.
The soystice squad(thats their name for now) now has a new member, a guard jew.
You keep hearing the strange sound from deeper within the tunnel, devin was not the one making it, whatever thing is making it is much bigger.
№89396Quote
>>89395Venture deeper into the tunnel
№89397Quote
>>89396The soystice squad venture deeper inside the tunnel, after a while the tunnel splits into 2.
One of the tunnels lead to scullybots lair and the other leads to goonerhell.
You hear the strange sound coming from scullybots lair.
Choose wisely
№89399Quote
>>89398You enter the lair of scullybot, you find the source of the strange metallic sounds.
Its scullybot, one of the strongest gooner units.
He menacingly walks towards you.
>WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY GOON SESH!?The second boss fight of the adventure begins, you must defeat scullybot to be able to exit the building.
№89400Quote
>>89399Cobman attempts shoot scullybot's eyes out while the chainsaw rapper tries to cut the arm off. King caca deploys a magic shield that has its own HP
№89401Quote
>>89400Cobman shoots at scullybot’s eyes, he manages to take out one eye and deal about 5% damage to scullybot.
In the meantime sematary jumps up to scullybot’s arm and tries to cut it off but fails.
Scullybot responds by shooting a beam from his claw at sematary, sematary gets thrown back to the wall and loses half his health, scullybot also shoots a eye laser at cobman but misses.
King caca deploys a magic sheild to defend against scullybot’s attacks, it is currently at 100 hp
№89402Quote
>>89401nettspend summons an army of buff babyjaks and tells them to attack scullybot
№89403Quote
>>89402Nettspend uses his dark rapper magic or whatever to summon 3 buff babyjaks.
>ATTACK!The babyjaks start punching and kicking the metal, it does minimal damage but scullybot has a hard time getting them off of him due to his slow speed.
№89404Quote
>>89403Cobman open fires at Scullybot
№89405Quote
>>89404Cobman fires his shotgun all over scullybot’s face, it only does some damage.
Scullybot manages to fire his laser eye in a way that kills all the babyjaks.
>HA HA HA! If you continue like this you will all DIE! №89406Quote
Bvmp…
№89407Quote
Call a meximutt to BRAAAAAAAP on scully.
№89408Quote
>>89407You call shitoko who thankfully is not that far away.
>satoko, we have a scully problem<i do not know what is scully o algo>please, this is urgent! Come brap on the scullybot!<ok im arriving soon o algoSatoko begins driving to your location, he will arrive in 5 turns.
№89409Quote
>>89408Focus fire at Skullybot's eyes to blind him
№89410Quote
>>89409Cobman and king caca focus fire at scullybot’s remaining eye and destroy it.
Scullybot is now blind but enraged.
>I WILL DESTROY YOU JUST LIKE I DESTROYED DAISY!He blindly shoots a claw beam at the wall.
Satoko arrives in 4 turns.
№89411Quote
>>89410Also he is at about 65% health
№89412Quote
>>89410King Caca turns Scullybot into a baby (or at least make it think its a baby). This causes the bot to malfunction and begin to act out Scullybot's Destruction.
№89413Quote
>>89412King caca uses the cacafication spell on scullybot, but because scullybot is a robot he does not turn into a baby and instead just thinks he is one.
>DOODOO DADA!Since scullybot is a baby he starts enacting scullybot’s destruction, he tries to rape and torture himself.
His legs pierce his body and his health starts draining.
Scullybot is down to 50% health.
Satoko arrives in 3 turns.
№89414Quote
>>89413>Since scullybot is a baby*thinks he is a baby
№89415Quote
>>89413GEEEEG Semetary finishes Scullybot's Destruction by cutting his neck down with the chainsaw.
№89416Quote
>>89415Semetary finishes his rest and goes to scullybot.
He climps up to scullybot’s neck and starts sawing it with his chainsaw.
Scullybot loses health quickly.
>ÄÄÄÄÊÊÊÄÄÄÄÊËË-ACKKKK!semetary cuts the wires in scullybot’s neck and it triggers and explosion that consumes him.
Satoko arrives in 2 turns.
№89417Quote
>>89416He can't be that far from dying. Fire more shotgun rounds into his neck.
№89418Quote
>>89417You fire shotgun rounds into scullybot’s neck, he begins to make weird noises and twitch.
>ÄÊÚÍAËËAËAËEARAFAFAGAGAG10101010101010His neck explodes again and his head is blown off his body.
BOSS DEFEATED №89419Quote
>>89418Satoko arrives in 1 turn
№89420Quote
Well, since scully was defeated before Satoko's arrival it's only wise to use him for what's in Goonerhell.
№89421Quote
>>89420Satoko will automatically arrive after next turn, there needs to be one turn before he arrives
№89422Quote
>>89420You return to the double tunnel entrance instead of going to the exit of the building.
You decide to enter goonerhell.
The upside of going to goonerhell is that one of the exits leads directly into goon gang hq, the downside is that its very dangerous and the road to the hq will be very long.
SATOKO ARRIVES THIS TURN! №89424Quote
>>89178She has to wear a kipkah and be part of the ADL.
№89425Quote
>>89424It has been 7 days since that reply, i wont add whoever that it
№89427Quote
>>89426Ok, it has been queued. She will appear soemhwere in goonerhell
№89428Quote
Fucking catty is broken
№89429Quote
>>89423Try to heal semetary or tell him to go to a hospital before entering the goonerhell tunnel
№89430Quote
>>89429You transfer some of your power to semetary to heal him, its very effective but drains some of your powers.
The soystice squad enters the tunnel that leads to goonerhell…
№89431Quote
Bruntlefly randomly comes and says he doesn't understand what's happening.
№89433Quote
Bvmp…
№89434Quote
>>89432cyberfloyd also comes out of the portal, he's holding a missile launcher
№89436Quote
>>89435The jewish 'plier troons out
№89438Quote
>>89436>>89437(((Devin))) troons out swiftly by putting on a wig and lipstick.
Cobman has a vision of Doll getting chased by the police for some reason.
Bruntlefly reads choose your own adventure: ghost train and talks about choose your own adventure spin-offs.
№89439Quote
Doll decides to start a church.
№89440Quote
>>89439Meanwhile, somewhere in a secluded forest near shartenburg.
Doll starts the church of Doll after he had escaped from the police, strangely its a branch of judaism, the gooners main religion.
However, doll’s true allegiance is currently a mystery.
№89441Quote
Bvmp
№89442Quote
Anyone there?
№89443Quote
>>89438Go further down the tunnel
№89444Quote
>>89443After walking for half an hour you finally find it, the portal to goonerhell.
Goonerhell is not part of this dimension, its a competely different reality.
From the other side you hear a faint chant
>ALWAYS GOON! ALWAYS TROON! TROON, GOON! GOON, TROON!Also bruntlefly and cyber floyd do not join your squad, they observe from a distance.
№89445Quote
>>89444Shitoko sharts all over the place and then dies
№89446Quote
>>89445>>89444Feed shitoko an entire crate of taco bell and send him thru the portal first, activating a brapnuke that btfo's the gooners. Whether he survives or not is a roll.
№89447Quote
>>89445>>89446You feed satoko a create of tacobell so that he can do a brapnvke.
>here goes nothing o algoHe jumps into the portal.
A green light is emitted from the other side as the brapnvke activates.
№89448Quote
>>89446If i roll 1-5 he survives, if i roll 6-10 he dies
Roll
№89450Quote
Use some binoculars to see whats inside the portal after the brapnvke.
№89451Quote
>>89450You use binoculars to look inside the portal.
The entire area is covered by a green shart mist, there are dead bodies of several gooners and goon minions.
You see the dead body of shitoko, he died to protect all innocent meximutts of shartenburg.
№89452Quote
>>89451Wait for the mist to clear then go thru the portal
№89453Quote
>>89452You wait for the mist to clear, it takes a while but it eventually clears.
The soystice squad go trough the portal and enter goonerhell.
You have entered a completly different world, everything is purple and pink and in the distance you see a massive beebeesea.
You can’t leave goonerhell trough this portal as its a one way portal.
№89454Quote
>>89453Go to the massive bibisi
№89455Quote
>>89454You walk in the direction of the massive bibisi.
When you are very close to it a squad of 5 goon minions appear.
Then 3 gooners with shotguns appear from behind a hill.
You have been ambushed.
>>89424As promised, the random troonslop character appears, she is leading the goon minion squad, she is also part of the ADL.
№89456Quote
>>89455Try to find some cover.
№89457Quote
>>89456>>89455Do this and run behind the johnson as cover. King Caca also pushes one of the minions into the river to test its properties.
№89458Quote
where is marilyn manson
№89459Quote
>>89458I forgot about it. Its queued now and will happen when there is a good opertunity
№89460Quote
>>89456>>89457You try to run behind the bibisi but you can’t because the path to there is blocked by the minions.
King caca charges forward and pushes one of the minions into the river.
^GOOOOOOOOOOOOON!It screams as it deforms and is dissolved by the strange substance.
The goonlady screams
>ENOUGH, FUCKING KILL THEM NOOOOOOOOW!!The shotgun gooners shoot at cobman and devin, it does some damage.
Goonlady shoots lasers from her eyes at king caca.
if the next posts post number ends in single digit king caca survives, but if it ends in double digits he dies №89461Quote
>>89460Swedebaby blinds the goonlady with poop. King Caca throws flames at the minions. Cobman uses a grapple hook to pull the shotgun gooners into the river.
№89462Quote
>>89461Single digit, king caca survives but is a bit injuredSwede baby throws poop in goonlady’s face, this blinds her and makes her unable to shoot lasers.
King caca throws green magic flames at 2 goon minions and completely fry them.
They scream
^GOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!Cobman then uses a grappling hook to pull a shotgun gooner into the river, his body deforms and disolves brutally.
The 2 remaining shotgun gooners open fire at cobman and devin, cobman is down to 80 hp and devin is down to 60 hp.
№89463Quote
>>89462Cobman and Devin leapfrog on the gooner corpse and attack the shotgunners. If one of them trips, the other helps them out. King Caca throws another flame attack at the other minions.
№89465Quote
>>89455>As promised, the random troonslop character appears, she is leading the goon minion squad, she is also part of the ADLAh, good goy.