/soy/ - Soyjaks

SOYJAK CREEPYPASTA: NATE'S BIRTHDAY

I was browsing my favorite website, the Soyjak Party, when I stumbled across a video. It was labeled "nate_birthday.mp4". I clicked it, and it began with a title card reminiscent of old theatrical cartoons - though it had no music, a trend that would continue throughout the cartoon. The text simply read "Nate's Birthday".

It began, and Nate - the titular character, who was a soyjak without stubble and with a voice reminiscent of Phil Silvers' Sgt. Bilko role, which was a favorite program of both me and my dad, before he passed away - was celebrating his 18th birthday. Oddly, there was no one around. It appeared to be just him in his house, which resembled the average Augie Doggie and Doggy Daddy cartoon's backgrounds. It was dark and presumably midnight.

On a table, there was a single slice of cake. It had 18 unlit candles. Nate took them off and ate the cake slice. Afterwards, he went to sleep.

He woke up and went outside. He was greeted by a woman who had an hourglass-like appearance, wore a white skirt, a brown shirt, and wore glasses with empty frames. Nate would refer to her as Soytan.

She said, "hi Nate!". Nate responded, "Soytan, please go away."

Nate walked on a looping background, which appeared to be using a tactic not dissimilar to the common cartoon produced in the 1960s, where the background would endlessly repeat to save costs. It then changed to night instantly, which I found a bit odd.

Nate then walked back to his house. He then went to his bathroom, slouched over, and then laid on it. Soytan walked into his house, which was possible because he did not lock his door. Soytan entered his room and greeted him. Nate had no reaction; he merely glanced at her.

Soytan said, "remember all the times you used to quip about not liking my personality but liking my body? Well, I'm going to undress, just for you, so you can look at my body for as long as you want. I love you, even though you've never reciprocated the feeling."

Soytan undressed, and suddenly the limited animation style movement was jarringly changed to full animation. She took off all articles of clothing to show Nate. Despite this, he remained in a depressive state, only smirking once.

Soytan, after not witnessing any reaction, yelled, "WHY WON'T YOU TOUCH ME? I'VE HEARD YOU! PLEASE, TOUCH ME. ANYWHERE!". Nate was clearly distressed after this. Nate reluctantly grabbed her thigh and squeezed it. Soytan said, "I've waited for this moment since we met in high school and that's the one thing you do?", before crying and putting her head on his lap.

Nate remained mute after this. Nate decided to kiss her on the forehead and then went to sleep with her in his lap.

There was a transition akin to the ones seen in old sitcoms, like The Munsters, where the screen would horizontally shrink before changing scenes. Nate was seen incredibly injured in a different house that I correctly presumed belonged to Soytan. She told him, "Why didn't you touch me any more? All I got from you was a wimpy kiss. Go to hell." After this, she hit Nate on the head enough to kill him. Soytan started to cry again.

"Oh, Nate, why didn't you ever like me? I loved you so much yet you didn't touch me when you had the chance. I should have forced you to.", said Soytan said before leaving her house.

Soytan was still crying when she decided to drive to commit suicide by driving off a cliff. She went through with this plan, and drove off the nearest cliff, which surprisingly wasn't far away from her house. This ended the cartoon, with the final moment being an off-screen death signaled by a crashing noise and a screen shake. An end card popped up which had an image of Nate cheerfully smiling, which I thought was ironic because of the events of the cartoon. Additionally, there was text that read, "THE END", "A NATE CARTOON" and "COPYRIGHT MMXXIV". No credits were displayed.