/soy/ - Soyjaks

Im not sure if I should post this or not but I have been thinking about this for nearly a half a decade at this point and I always wanted to hear what people’s opinion is on this thing is and if Im as bad of a person as those uttp fags for example

When I was 15 years old, I used to be in a lot of shitpost ‘cord servers and in one of these I once a gif of a pregnant asian girl being fucked/raped and being hit on the stomach. I suspected that she might have been underage (my estimate for her age was 16-18) and I was pretty disgusted by that and wanted to mention/talk about it to someone. I wasn’t shocked or traumatized by it or anything like that but I still wanted to mention it to someone so I took a cropped screenshot of the post but I didn’t show the whole gif in it. I made it so it wasn’t so revealing/didn’t show any genitalia and I didn’t but it still did show the girls face in it and I posted the screenshot to another shitpost server where I was active in and had a few friends in and joked about discords shit moderation. As I was doing this, I didn’t realize that by doing that I would be committing the same crime as the guy whose post I screenshotted and the type of people who I was trying to mock. I didn’t get banned from that, but I did get criticism from that post as I should’ve.

That thing was bugging me ever since I did that and I brought it up a lot when I was talking to my friends because I regretted doing that whole thing since I was concerned about the fact that I’ve shared actual ‘p and probably damaged the victim more by doing that and I didn’t want to be known as a pedophile either. I brought that thing so much that my friends started jokingly calling me a pedophile and making pedophilic jokes at my expense (which was kind of funny to be fair) but this caused them to remember this thing. They’ve told me multiple times that they would’ve forgotten about it if I didn’t brought it up all the time we met and in our friend group we had this one guy who was kind of autistic (or he didn’t actually have autism probably) but he was kind of abnormal guy and we sometimes had problems with him because he would get mad sometimes or “leak easily” and he would act really retarded like shout at us in public and/or bring up some embarrassing/personal shit and he would sometimes amp up/over exaggerate these things that he would say about you if he was pissed and that wouldn’t be that bad but since he knew about that thing I did and was constantly reminded of it because I talked about it constantly it started to become a real fucking problem for me and I had to cut him off all together because of that. And he didn’t hate me or think that I was a pedophile or anything like that but I still couldn’t be around him and I had to destroy that friendship witch sucked since I didn’t really hate him either but I just couldn’t have him yelling people that “I share ‘p to people” whenever he got mad over some stupid shit.

Sometime after I turned 18 I thought that since google filters out ‘p I could try to look up that gif on google since I wasn’t exactly sure if the girl in that gif was a minor or not and if I do easily
find the gif it would most likely mean that the girl wasn’t a minor and it would help knowing that I didn’t actually share some rape torture gifs. So, I started describing the gif and look for it (I typed something like pregnant Asian woman being fucked or something like that (I didn’t try to look for ‘p or search ‘p on google) and I was at least smart enough to not save the image so I couldn’t look for it with image search and I even if I did, I would’ve probably deleted it long time ago so that’s why I couldn’t just image search it) and I did manage to find it and it was from it was from some japanese porn movie and the actress age was listed as “20 years old”. So knowing that kind of helped but I don’t know if this really changes anything because back then I came to the conclusion and was under the assumption that she was underage and looking for that gif up from google was still kind of retarded because if I did manage to find that original gif and she wasn’t an adult it wouldn’t be any better and I know that google filters that shit out but I think it would be still possible to find that sort of stuff.

But I want to know what do you all think about this. I know that Ive obviously shouldn’t done any of that and that all that that has happened because of that is deserved and I should’ve known better but Am I still as bad as all these failtrolls for example? Or am I hypocrite for criticizing loli niggers for example when Ive done this?