Item #: SCP-9558

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:
All known physical copies of "Shit Nophono Cares About" are to be considered SCP-9558 instances and are to be confiscated immediately. Under no circumstances are unauthorized Foundation personnel to open, read, photograph, scan, digitize or ███████████ the contents of an instance.

Due to the properties of SCP-9558 instances, no physical copy is to be handled in an uncovered state. Each instance is to be completely wrapped in a continuous sheet of █████████████ with all seams welded and sealed to prevent accidental exposure of any portion of the text. The ████████ enclosure is to be applied without opening, unfolding, or otherwise exposing the book's contents. No viewing ports, transparent materials, or removable panels are permitted. All known SCP-9558 instances have proven indestructible by all Foundation methods tested to date. Attempts to burn, crush, disintegrate, chemically dissolve, ████████ or otherwise damage an instance are prohibited. The Foundation is to assume that SCP-9558 instances cannot be destroyed and that any attempt at destruction may produce unforeseen anomalous effects.

Recovered copies are to be transported in sealed archival containers to Site-██. Upon arrival, each copy is to be placed individually within a Class-XZ reinforced containment vault and secured in a designated archival locker. Access to the vault and its contents is restricted to personnel with Class 3 Clearance or Lower unless with direct authorization from Dr Cobson. The containment vault is to remain under continuous video surveillance.

The Foundation's information-security division is to maintain continuous monitoring of imageboards, alternative social-media communities, file-sharing services, torrent indexes, text repositories, and other locations where SCP-9558 related material could plausibly appear. Particular attention is to be given to 4chan, soyjak.party, and successor or mirror communities (Commonly refered to as "Alt Chans") where users may attempt to circulate scans, photographs, memes, excerpts, or purported "summaries" of the book.

MTF Task Force "Glowies" has primary responsibility for SCP-9558 digital suppression. When a reference to "Shit Nophono Cares About" is identified, This Task Force is responsible to:

1. Determine whether the material constitutes a genuine SCP-9558 instance or a derivative.
2. Remove or quarantine the material through Foundation-controlled means.
3. Identify and contain any physical copies associated with its distribution and to monitor locations where identified copies of the anomaly have been spotted.
4. Scrub cached, mirrored, archived, or reposted copies where feasible.
5. Monitor the originating community for evidence that additional copies have appeared.

Foundation personnel are not to open suspicious files solely to determine whether they contain SCP-9558. Automated systems are to be used whenever possible. Any proposed experiment involving SCP-9558 must receive written authorization from Dr. Cobson and O5-██. 

Description:
SCP-9558 is a large, hardcover black book with seemingly infinite pages, bearing the title "Shit Nophono Cares About" in white Calibri font. The physical dimensions, binding materials, and printing method vary between recovered instances, although all confirmed copies display the same title and general contents. The Foundation has so far managed to reach a page count of ███ of the anomaly in experiments. The book concerns obscure or otherwise poorly documented subjects. Known examples include obscure technical standards, niche linguistic systems, historical facts, specialized manufacturing processes, unusual geographical facts, obsolete computer technologies, █████████ and various subjects for which little public interest exists. The contents appear to constitute a collection of information specifically relevant to the entity designated SCP-9558-A, commonly referred to as Nophono.

Any individual who reads SCP-9558 regardless of the amount of material read, is attacked by SCP-9558-A within the following █ to ██ minutes. SCP-9558-A manifests multiple elongated, shadow-like appendages from its body, which █████████ and ███████ the victim before killing them. Following the attack, the victim's body, clothing, and any personal effects in direct contact with them disappear without leaving identifiable biological, physical, or forensic evidence. No remains have been recovered from any confirmed SCP-9558-related incident.

SCP-9558-A is a humanoid entity of unknown origin and apparent extreme height measuring approximately 2.1 to 2.6 meters. Available photographic and video evidence depicts SCP-9558-A wearing a bright blue suit, white shirt, and tie. Its head possesses no observable facial features. The most significant anomalous property of SCP-9558-A is its apparent relationship with information. Current evidence suggests that SCP-9558-A derives some form of sustenance or increased physical capability from knowledge concerning obscure subjects. The degree of enhancement appears to be inversely proportional to the popularity of the information involved. Widely known information provides little or no measurable benefit, while information known by very few individuals appears to produce greater effects.

The entity appears to regard exposure to the book as an immediate threat, responding by locating and eliminating the reader. The disappearance of victims following these attacks has made determining the full lethality of SCP-9558-A difficult, as no remains or recoverable biological evidence are left behind with current Foundation analysis suggests that the creation and circulation of SCP-9958 may be correlated to SCP-9958-A capabilities.

The Foundation first became aware of SCP-9558 following a series of unexplained disappearances reported across several imageboard sites during the summer of 2025. The initial incidents were treated as unrelated until Foundation web-crawlers identified multiple posts referencing a book titled Shit Nophono Cares About. Users described the book as an obscure collection of information concerning highly specialized or otherwise esoteric subjects, with several posters claiming to have encountered physical copies or digital reproductions.

Within approximately ██ hours of the Foundation's initial identification of the material, several users who had publicly claimed to have read the book ceased all online activity. Attempts to locate the individuals through conventional means were unsuccessful, and local authorities subsequently classified several cases as missing-person investigations. No bodies were recovered. Foundation analysts initially suspected an information-based cognitohazard. A controlled copy of an image allegedly depicting several pages of the book was isolated for examination. Personnel who viewed the image reported no immediate anomalous effects; however, one analyst subsequently identified the depicted text as corresponding to an extremely obscure technical subject. The analyst disappeared from Foundation custody approximately ██ minutes later. Surveillance footage recorded the manifestation of an unidentified humanoid figure within the containment area immediately prior to the analyst's disappearance. Following this incident, the investigation was transferred to the Department of ███████████. Correlation of the available footage with reports originating from several unrelated online communities established the existence of a previously undocumented entity matching the descriptions now assigned to SCP-9558-A.

A joint operation by Foundation web-intelligence personnel and newly created MTF Task Force "Glowies" resulted in the recovery of the first confirmed physical instance of SCP-9558 from a private residence in ███████, Ontario. The residence's occupant had disappeared approximately ██ minutes after informing an online acquaintance that they had obtained a copy of Shit Nophono Cares About. The recovered volume was found open on a desk. No biological remains or evidence of forced entry were present.


Addendum 1:
Due to the lethal properties of SCP-9558, experimental subjects were not permitted to verbally describe or otherwise communicate the contents of an instance after exposure. Instead, D-Class personnel were instructed to read a predetermined portion of an SCP-9558 instance and record, in writing, as much of the material as they could recall while under observation. Subjects were provided with writing materials prior to exposure and instructed to document the information they encountered immediately after reading it. In all completed trials, SCP-9558-A manifested within the expected period following exposure and killed the subject before they could be removed from the testing chamber. However, written records produced by subjects prior to their deaths have remained unaffected. Analysis of these records has not resulted in any observed manifestation of SCP-9558-A, nor have personnel reading the resulting documents experienced the anomalous effects associated with direct exposure to an SCP-9558 instance. 

Accordingly, authorized written records of SCP-9558's contents may be studied without the same immediate risk associated with reading an instance itself. The Foundation has not determined whether this property applies universally to all forms of reproduction. Photographic, scanned, digital, or otherwise direct reproductions of SCP-9558 remain prohibited under current containment procedures.

The following subjects have been confirmed to appear within SCP-9558:

Typography used in 1980s Australian government documents.
The mechanics of competitive cup stacking.
The makeup artists credited on the original Star Wars trilogy.
Toki Pona syntax.
Traditional Turkic belief systems.
Types of wood used in the manufacture of toothpicks.
The structure of Masonic lodges.
The economy of Vanuatu.
The obsolete IPv5 protocol.
The standardization of paper sizes.
The orbital characteristics of Mercury.
Reverse-engineering VHS color-bleed artifacts.
Paleolithic wind instruments discovered in flooded caves.
The architectural geometry of roadside rest stops.
The precise pre-standardization hue of safety orange.
Data-corruption patterns associated with Windows 98 startup sounds.
The 1999 Yahoo Directory index.
The ISO C++ standard.
Infrared photography of parking lots.
Obscure audio data contained within historical aerospace recordings.
Field-test data from prototype aviation magnetic compasses.
The Dvorak keyboard.
Gravel composition on islands of the South Atlantic.

The above list represents only those subjects successfully documented before the termination of experimental subjects. The complete contents (if they exist) of SCP-9558 remain unknown.