FINAL DRAFT, by soyscreenwriter -= Text surrounded by -==- is a screenwiters note =- The movie opens with Nate getting ready for school. Nate grabs his backpack, walks to the door and puts his shoes on. His mother calls: "Goodbye, Nate!" And Nate replies: "Bye, mom!" He walks out the door and closes it behind him. Nate takes out his phone and dials Chud. The two begin talking as Nate walks to school. -= the movie should cut between shots of nate and chud depending on who is speaking =- N: "Hey little buddy, you coming to school today?" C: "I told you not to call me that, besides my obsessed stepfather will beat me if I skip too much." N: "Right, forgot about that. Anyways Chud, /dem/ elections are coming up, do you know who you're voting for?" C: "Oh please, that board is a DNB, and democracy is the god who failed. The rational voter is a myth, Hitler himself said so!" N: "Oh come on, it got lennonjak banned didn't it?" C: "No! No it didn't you fucking obsessed shitlalalian kike-worshipping vantablack troon! Lennonjak isn't banned because Quote is a jannycord using child grooming glowie, and even when it WAS the spammers just used neutralplier instead!" N: "Speaking of trannies, how's Troonella doing after finding out xis favorite EPI slop channel is run by a 50 year pedophile from Lesotho?" C: "Changing the subject are we? Oh well, last I checked, he was more upset by the channel being 'nished than the whole pedo thing. Classic troon." N: "Geg, speaking of; I heard we have a PE test today. How long do you think it'll take for xim to finish the mile run?" C: "If he finishes before the women it'll prove he's a man so he'll try to take as long as possible. I bet 20 dollars he makes it in at least 16 minutes." N: "Riiiight... The school still considers xim a foid so xe'll be at a different track. That's a shame, I was hoping I could watch. Then again... hey Chud?" C: "Yeah Nate?" N: "How long do you think it would take for you to run the mile, and make it over to the girls track?" C: "Hm, it's been a while since I've been timed but if I had to say... 12 minutes. After all, I can't let that Usain monkey be the fastest man alive." N: "Perfect, if your guess is right then you'll be just in time to see the best part. Make sure you record it by the way!" C: "You sure you can't lend me your phone? I don't want that troon taking up my precious storage space. Oh, and just out of curiosity how long do you think it'll take you to run the mile? You've been working out lately right?" N: " Oh I'd be happy to give you my phone, after all Mymy is soooo much more important than TTD." C: "Meds. Now. Schizo." N: "I know what I saw little chuddy, but to answer your question... I'm on the cut part of my cycle, so probably around uhhhhh 9 minutes?" C: "Speaking of troonella... Where is he? I'm normally supposed to tell him that he will never be a woman around now." Chuds' phone start glitching out, and the call disconnects. N: "Hello? Chud? Chud!" Nate begins to pick up the pace on his way to the school. When he arrives, he sees that chud is being interrogated by bald, sunglasses wearing, men in suits. Nate calls out "Chud!". The glowies quickly take notice of him. One of the glowies walks over to him, while the other leads Chud away from the scene. The first glowie asks "You are Nathan Higgers, correct?" Nate responds "...Yes? Now what do you want with me and my friend?" The agent pulls out his CIA badge and remarks "My name is agent Jackson, I'm from the CIA and you are coming with us. Follow me". Nate is lead to a van, the glowie goes to open the back as Nate attempts to escape. However he is grabbed with one hand, and chucked into the van. Nate rushes forwards as the door slams in his face. There is silence for a few moments, until the sound of a struggle echos from outside. Suddenly, the door is opened once more to reveal Chud, bloodied and holding a pocket knife, in front of the glowie's corpse. A distinctly male sounding scream fills the air, and both Nate and Chud turn to see Troonella sitting in the corner of the van. N + C: "Troonella!?" C: "What are you doing here?!" T: "Please don't hurt me! I was just minding my own business when these bigots pulled up and shoved me in here!" C: "It doesn't matter anyway, get out, we can't have you weighing this car down." N: "Let's not be rash now Chud, xhe could be useful." C: "Useful how? Like as a meatshield or as emergency food? We're fugitives now, Nate and I for one am not sleeping next to that sex pest." T: "I'm right here!" N: "You're right about one thing, we're fugitives, and that means we're all in the same boat. If we want to avoid the CIA don't you think we could use someone with computer skills and the respect of soulless NPCs?" C: "No. No I don't." N: "..." N: "Fine, we'll vote on it. All in favor of letting Troonella come with, raise your hands." Both Nate and Troonella raise their hands, while Chud keeps his hands down. C: "This is why I hate democracy..." Before they can discuss anything further, more cars start driving towards the school parking lot. N: "Uh oh. Troonella, stay here. Chud, hand me the keys!" Chud begins rummaging through the dead glowie's pockets, and tosses the car keys over to Nate, as the two begin rushing into the front of the van. As soon as they get in, Nate starts the car and pulls out into the street, before punching the gas and taking off just in time to avoid the incoming CIA agents. As Nate and the 'teens speed away from the school, they are pursed by black Sedans. Nate attempts to lose his tails with speed, however the vans' larger size and limited maneuverability makes this approach frootless. Thinking quickly, Nate takes a shortcut through an alleyway, and barely makes it. All but two of the fed mobiles crash while attempting to follow him. Now back on the streets, the remaining cars pull up next to Nate and attempt to sandwich him. Nate hits the brakes at the last minute, the glowies crash together, and Nate barely swerves out of the way. While having avoided the wreck, he loses control and crashes the van into a lamppost. When the agents rush over to the car, guns drawn, they are shocked to realize that the car is empty. The camera pans through the floor to reveal the 'teens hiding in the sewer below. The three of them begin whispering to each other while trying to figure out what just occurred. T: "Guys... I think I'm having a panic attack!" N: "Right now? That's kinda unrealistic don'tcha think, Chud?" C: "What's more unrealistic is you and I have anything common with Troonella. All of us were harassed by the feds, and that van we crashed had the Soysylum logo on it. However, only you and troonella were kidnapped. All the glowies did to me was ask about you two and try to separate us." T: "That is strange, especially considering that you need an asylum most of all. I've seen the things you incels post on /pol/ and with the way you mald over seeing a trans woman succeeding, I can tell you need help." N: "Wait, you use the sharty as well?" T: "Only to make chuds like him mad, but yeah." N: "Well that's something we have in common; all of us post on soyjak.party!" C: "Of course! That'd explain the Soysylum logo, you two must have seen something on the sharty you weren't supposed to, and now the CIA is trying you silence you." N: "Then it looks like our next step is clear, we have to break into the CIA headquarters and find out their plans." T: "Come on, that's crazy talk! We can't defy the government, they have our best interests at heart!" Nate and Chud share a knowing glance. N: "Troonella... Who is the current president?" T: "...Oh. In that case, I suppose we can try." C: "One problem; how are we gonna get there?" N: "If you're covered in blood and Troonella's house is probably swarming with feds, then it looks like I'll have to borrow the family car for a little bit. Then again, they might already be at my house as well..." C: "Not likely, when the glowies interrogated me, all they had was some basic characteristics and your date of birth- Not a name or anything like that. Your identity is still safe for now." N: "In any case, we ought to start heading over there soon." The teens begin walking through the sewer, and we soon cut to a shot of a manhole cover in the street. Nate lefts the cover up, and looks both ways before climbing out. Chud and troonella soon follow, and the two of them dash out of sight while Nate walks to the front door. From inside, Nate's mother hears the doorbell ring and goes to check it out. when she opens the door, she sees Nate standing there. A: "Nate? What are you doing here? I thought you went to school." N: "I did, but... something happened. Something bad. The specifics don't matter, but I need to borrow the car keys. After that, I need you to take Dad and Caca and get away from here." A: "Why, are we in danger? What happened?!" N: "I don't know why yet, but yes. We're all in danger, but I can get us out of it if you'll lend me the car." A: "Okay, I'll trust you Nathanial." N: "Thanks Megan. Tell the others I'll miss them." *Soyak and Caca walk behind Annabelle* S: "Why don't you tell us yourself?" C: "Ya, is natey nate scared o algo?" N: "You guys..." S: "I'm not worried about you Nate, you're a strong kid. You can do anything you set your mind to." *Nate rushes forward and hugs his family* N: "I'll miss you guys, so you better not get arrested okay?" M: "Wait, what?" Nate rushes out the door, and unlocks the car. Chud and Troonella pop out from a bush and rush inside, as Nate starts the car and begins driving. Taking one last look back at his family as they wave goodbye, before pulling out into the street and driving off. After a few minutes of driving, there is an uncomfortable silence. Chud tries to turn the radio on, but Nate tells him "That thing's been broken for some time." Troonella pipes up: "I have my HAM radio license, I could try and fix it!" Chud reluctantly agrees. C: "Well great, what are we supposed to do now?" N: "We could talk? We're about to risk our lives, we might as well get to know each other." T: "Talking isn't really the strong suit of most chuds, maybe he ought to try mindless namecalling?" C: "Like you're any better. You don't have friends at school, your parents are ashamed of you. Not even the glowies wanted to talk to you! The only way you can get attention is by posting bait on the sharty." T: "..." N: "Well, that's pretty much all we have in common. We all post on the sharty, and that's what got us into this mess. Speaking of... I never did get around to asking you how you discovered that site in the first place." We cut to a flashback of Chud at the dinning table with Nate's family, showing Nate something on his phone. Nate begins narrating: "You showed it to me that dark and stormy night after my 16th birthday but I didn't think to question it at the time." Flashback ends, back to reality as Chud responds: C: "What are you, a glowie? Oh whatever, it's a long story so you could at the very least take your ADHD meds beforehand." N: "I'm the glowie, sure..." Nate checks his pockets for his meds, but they aren't there. N: "Oh raisin, I can't find them. Chud can you check my backpack? They might be in there." Chud begins rummaging through Nate's bag. T: "You can always borrow some of mine if you like!" Nate and Chud share a worried look, before Chud manages to dig out a pill bottle from Nate's backpack. N: "Oh, no need for that, Chud just found them! Ha ha, silly me! I'll never make a mistake like this again." T: "Alright... The radio should be fixed now by the way." Nate takes his meds, and turns on the radio to play dramatic music. We cut to a flashback of Chud in his room, with Nate in the background on his phone. Chud begins narrating: "As I was saying... It was a dark and stormy night on 4Chan. I was telling trannies to ropemaxx, and zogbots to dilate. It was a night just like any other. This went on for hours until... I posted sage emoji lag spam in the reppys of a BBC spam post. I was permanently banned from /pol/. I went back to /lgbt/ and posted a new 'toss, which got me banned again. Soon enough I was banned from every board on 4Cuck, except for one; the locked questions and answers board /qa/. I saw an old post about a splinter site called 'soyjak.party' and went to check it out." T: "Getting banned from 4chan for being too extreme, this is why I can't take that hellsite seriously." C: "Well how did you find out about soyjak 'targeted harassment' party then, tranny?" T: "..." C: "Troonella. How did you find out about soyjak.party?" T: "Asterisk sighs asterisk, let's see, it was a while back..." -= Troonella actually says the asterisk part out loud cuz xhes terminally online o algo =- Nate turns the radio to a different channel, and we cut to Troonella sitting alone in a dark room, illuminated only by the glow of xher computer. Troonella begins narrating: "It was a dark and stormy night on Discord. I was listening to my at the time e-girlfriend talk about her traumatic experience at Wal-Mart, where she was forcibly evicted after attempting to use the bathroom. It was so relaxing, I thought I was going to fall asleep, but I was jolted awake by the hard-r N-word being shouted. I was so shocked that I left the VC, and my girlfriend behind. But when I went into the general channels, they were filled with slurs, transphobic caricatures, and r/markiplier links. I couldn't believe that my beloved Reddit allowed such crude drawings on that site, and quickly went on r/markiplier to complain. But instead of getting an apology, the people in the comments called it a false flag attack by some site called 'Snarky Snappy'. I tried searching for it on youtube and stumbled across a video by 'Soyjak Party Video Archive'. I realized that these people were the ones who nearly shut down my favorite indie game TCoAaL, and from there it didn't take long at all to find their true lair." The music fades, and the flashback ends. N: "Why does everyone find the sharty on dark stormy nights? What causes this?" C: "Just a coincidence goy, storms are NOT caused by petty gods fighting on top of a mountain. This does NOT fill the air with so much testosterone that people are inspired to mock soyboys. You will take MORE of your meds, NOW." T: "I'm autistic, could you please use a tone indicator next time Chud?" N: "Bold of you to assume that he isn't also autistic." C: "I'm not. My parents only said that because I didn't want to die of measles." T: "It's really not anything to be ashamed of. I told my parents and they didn't even bat an eye." N: "Yikes..." C: "Kikes?" N: "Not this time." C: "Really? We're going to the CIA headquarters aren't we?" T: "I hate to interrupt, but I'm getting overstimulated back here. Can Iget the aux cord?" C: "Naaaateeee... Do. Not. Do it." N: "Hey, that gives me an idea for a new brimstone creepypasta: 'Do not hand Troonella the aux cord at 3 AM'." Nate hands the cord to troonella. C: "YOU GAVE HIM DA 'COOOOOOOOORD, NATEEEEEE?! ARE YOU MORE SUICIDAL THAN HE IS!?!" *Friday Night Funkin OST begins playing* *Jartycuck album begins playing* *Tokyo Ghoul Unravel begins playing* *Chess Type Beat begins playing* *Deltarune OST begins playing* Nate takes his hands off the wheel to cover his ears, as Chud begins flailing around like a lunatic, screeching: "KILL YOURSELF CORDTROON YOU'RE BAITING ME! YOU'RE BAITING ME! YOU'RE BAITING ME! TRANIME WILL NEVER BE SHARTY. CULTURE! YOU WILL NEVER BE WHITE! KILL YOURSELF SLF! YWNBAW! NOOOOOOOOOO! Nate attempts to talk over Chud: "TROONELLA SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR! I'M LOSING CONTROL! WHAT'S GOING ON?! WE'RE FALLING! WE'RE GONNA DIE CHUD! WE'RE GONNA DIE! The car swerves off the interstate, crashes through the barrier, and falls to the ground below. Meanwhile, troonella sits in the back completely /calm/. Only to open xher eyes moments before hitting the ground to utter: "Wait a second!? Why are-" The car hits the ground hood first, but quickly lands back on its tires. All three of them exit the vehicle before it catches fire, and the trio retreats to a nearby alleyway. C: "What. The. FUCK WAS THAT?!" N: "SHHHHHH! Take your meds, Chud! If someone hears us then we're doomed! C: "Doomed because YOU just had to give troonella da 'cord!" N: "Alright, not my finest moment but-" C: "IT'S OVER! If we go home, your parents will kill you, and if we stay here the cops will kill us, and we can't get to the CIA headquarters without the car that YOU DESTROYED!" T: "You mean this CIA headquarters?" The camera pans to troonella standing next to a plaque reading: "CIA HEADQUARTERS" and a massive complex of buildings in the background. N: "Perfect. Chud! Troonella! Follow me, I've got an idea!" The 'teens dash around the building, as a squad of glowies rushes out towards the burning wreckage.